We cannot stop staring at the thigh-killing boots Madonna wore to open her new Hard Candy gym in Moscow this week.
Are they surgically embedded, like her cheeks? Welded on? Baked in? Or maybe they used to fit fine until Madge decided she needed to party in the rain with a bunch of exquisitely styled street people, and the boots shrunk two sizes before her male-model-turned-limo-driver could peel ‘em off.
Whatever happened, we hope the gal can still feel her feet, or that she has a beefy Muscovite handy to carry her around instead.
What are we saying? It's Madonna. Of course she does.
As for the rest of her outfit, we know, we know—it's a bathrobe. Unless it's on Madonna, in which case it's a black lace kimono dress, fools. It's what you wear when you're a pop legend who just thought you'd, you know, stop by the Moscow location of the gym chain that you created on your day off.