Between Jessica's ‘50s B-movie prom queen getup and Kate's reptilian...thingy (clearly, it's molting season), we're getting the urge to build a fort in the living room and rent Creature from the Black Lagoon while mommy cooks us up a TV dinner.
As for who designed these wonders, we've got the scoop.
Apparently Armani Privé keeps a clutch of massive, irradiated komodo dragons on hand just in case an actress needs a dress. There are also Brian Atwood shoes lurking under Kate's skirt, we're told.
As for Biel, Dior Couture can take credit for her retro scream queen frock. The jewels come courtesy of Tom Binns, and Jimmy Choo provided her 2012 answer to saddle shoes.
Gotta go. We just heard that Kate kidnapped Jess and dragged her into a lair underneath the La Brea Tar Pits. Mind the komodo dragons, ladies.