Chelsea Handler Blog: Are You There, Messes?

I know Young Hollywood isn’t sobering up, so what’s the problem?

I'm finding it difficult lately to blog. It's not because I'm too busy...I'm an amazing multitasker.  It just seems like stupid celebrity news is slow these days. 

What the hell is the problem? I depend on certain people to make my day easier, and giving me a topic to write about is part of that. 

I see you, Kate Gosselin. I have you covered. You too, Charlie Sheen. I know who you are, and I know what you did. 

But I need the rest of you to do your part. Where have all my other hot messes gone? Am I going to have to drive to Malibu and hand Britney Spears a razor, some shaving cream and a keg of Red Bull? I know Lindsay Lohan can't keep her s--t together, and so do all of my readers. I need more than that. I thought maybe I could get a nice paragraph out of Kiefer Sutherland's recent drunken escapades, but frankly I found the whole thing pretty impressive.

I don't know if everybody in Hollywood started wearing underwear, but it's been a while since a good old fashioned bare-coslopus-getting-out-of-a-limo has shown up on TMZ, and I for one would appreciate some effort on the part of young Hollywood. 

Your move, Tara Reid.