London Calling

Wed., Feb. 29, 2012 7:14 PM PST by

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A recent study of young British women revealed that 1 in 4 of the girls who participated is dating up to 3 men at a time. The study goes on to say that on average, the typical single woman is seeing 1.46 men at any given time. They should have just left it at "1 in 4," since the latter statement makes it seem like British women are dating one man and a Chuy.  I think this makes British women sound smart- there are three meals in a day, so at least these girls have their bases covered. If you're single, you should be able to date as many people as you want at a time. Of course you should always be honest about it- it's not a ton of fun on the other end-like being one of the three. I personally can't date more than one person at a time; it's too much effort to pretend to be interested in one person's daily activities, let alone three. Also- if you date three guys at once, you also technically date six balls. Nope.

Chelsea Lately ‘Wanderlust’ Ticket Special

Tue., Feb. 21, 2012 5:26 PM PST by

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Jen Aniston is in a new movie, ‘Wanderlust.'  I saw it, it's hilarious, and I want you all to see it.  It opens Friday the 24th and to encourage you to check it out, I'm offering VIP seating to a taping of Chelsea Lately from Feb 27^th to Mar 7^th if you show up here with your ‘Wanderlust' ticket stub.  You must bring your Chelsea Lately ticket along with the ‘Wanderlust' stub. Once you see the movie and you have your CL ticket then email tickets@ocatv.com for your VIP seating. 

 

To get Chelsea Lately tickets go to:http://on-camera-audiences.com/shows/Chelsea_Lately

If you already have CL tickets for any of these dates just go see the movie then email tickets@ocatv.com for your VIP seating.

 

 

Chris Crossed

Wed., Feb. 15, 2012 1:37 PM PST by Chelsea Handler

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Chris Brown lashed out on his Twitter account, addressing the critics who "hated on" his Grammy performance.  Many people were outraged that Brown, who beat up Rihanna three years ago, was allowed to perform at the ceremony.  Brown wrote:

"HATE ALL U WANT BECUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now! That's the ultimate F*** OFF!" 

His use of all caps should definitely back up his supporters' theory that Brown is reformed and no longer carries rage issues.  Either Brown, or more likely his publicist, quickly deleted the Tweet. 

Unfortunately they didn't move fast enough and it was captured in a screen grab.  This is a lesson in Twitter. Just because you delete something does not mean it is gone forever, just ask Anthony Weiner.  This is especially true if Twitter actually deletes it for you, which may or may not have happened to me when I Tweeted a photo of a few men enjoying themselves at a nice old fashioned Lemon Party.  Google it-I can't say what it is.  I think it's time we all agree that Chris Brown should not have access to a Twitter account-or a woman.

 

Super Bowl Monday

Mon., Feb. 06, 2012 3:00 PM PST by

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The Super Bowl was filled with riveting drama, and as a known avid football watcher, I was glued to the television for every second of it.  Or, I had a party and it was on in the background and every once in a while I'd glance up to see if it was over. I did enjoy the half time show, which is surprising since Madonna and her body terrify me. I thought she was entertaining, but more impressive was her ability to completely steal my dance move, which is to shuffle back and forth until I find something solid to hold on to and then just go off. M.I.A. made the news because she opted to flip off the entire crowd, which is always an interesting choice. In every situation it's commonly used in, flipping someone off accomplishes nothing. Nobody pulls over, un-runs the stop sign, apologizes or gives you back your underwear. However, everyone is talking about her today so I guess she accomplished what she wanted to accomplish. The biggest drama is actually today, with the media in an uproar after Gisele whatshername allegedly defended her husband Tom Brady when some fans taunted her. Gisele supposedly snapped and said "My husband cannot f--kin' throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time." The fact that this is causing any frenzy is stupid.  Aside from the fact that she's his wife so defending him is not that weird, she has a pretty solid point.  

 

British Scairways

Thu., Jan. 19, 2012 1:07 PM PST by Chelsea Handler

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The cabin crew on a British Airways flight from Miami to London mistakenly announced to passengers that the plane was going to crash. The automated message told the passengers to brace themselves for an emergency water landing. Obviously, panic spread throughout the plane, until a flight attendant came on the intercom and explained that the "crash message" was played in error. This is definitely one case where "my bad" isn't going to cut it. And probably the only case in history where a British accent wasn't so soothing. I also didn't realize that a "crash message" was automated.  That seems pretty f****d up. It should be a real person telling you that your life is about to end, not some recording played on a loop like Christmas music in a mall. I'll go out on a limb and assume that the line to use the lavatory afterward was pretty long. This story is terrible; as if a flight out of Miami isn't enough of a pain in the ass, these poor people thought for a few horrifying seconds that Miami would be the last place they'd ever see. I like to believe something good came out of this: for instance maybe a snotty British woman in First Class ran to coach and found some guy to dry hump, or a newlywed woman who was already rethinking her marriage had her suspicions confirmed when her husband climbed over her and screamed "Every man for himself!"

 

Holy Water?

Tue., Jan. 17, 2012 10:45 AM PST by

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A fan who collected a jar of water from a Miami Beach pool that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes swam in last summer is now selling the jar on EBAY. The winning bidder will also receive a 5x7 photo of Tom swimming in the pool with Katie Holmes by his side as a "certificate of authenticity." Since Tom was swimming in it, I assume it wasn't taken from the deep end. It also isn't clear if in the photo you can actually see the shackles that keep Katie bound to Tom's side. I'm sure this is on the up and up-of course, you could just get a picture of Tom Cruise swimming in a pool and then fill a jar up with water from any other pool in the world and claim it's the same one, but this person doesn't sound smart enough to lie. The seller is also claiming that there is a "limited supply" of this "special water," which is a big F-U to the whole rest of the pool. Currently, there are 8 bids for the jar and bidding is up to $130. The list of those 8 bidders will come in handy if anyone ever needs to make a list of the 8 biggest losers in the world. 

 

Putting the Hammer Down

Thu., Jan. 12, 2012 12:39 PM PST by

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A 62 year old woman was arrested for aggravated battery after she hit a 65 year old man in the head with a hammer. The woman told police that she was "upset" with the man because he was watching "Judge Judy." What's your beef with "Judge Judy," girl?  I'm going to go out on a limb and guess there was more going on with these two than that. The man is okay for the most part; he only ended up with a large cut on his head. So that rules out this woman's profession being carpenter or roofer. This happened in Florida, but at this point that goes without saying. Police didn't get much information from the woman; they said that she wasn't able to hold a conversation after the incident. I'm not sure why; she sounds smart. But the lack of information has made it unclear to the police what the relationship between these two is. Well whatever it is, it's not great.

 

 

In the Dogg House

Mon., Jan. 09, 2012 6:43 PM PST by

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According to TMZ, rapper Snoop Dogg was arrested in Texas this weekend after a drug-sniffing dog uncovered marijuana on his tour bus. What…a shocker. I always thought Doggs-and dogs-were supposed to stick together. It also doesn't say much about this police department that they needed a dog to find weed on Snoop's bus. I'd think you could find it by simply walking on to Snoop's tour bus-or standing within 40 feet of Snoop's tour bus. I guess the head of the police department, Captain Obvious, was tied up elsewhere and couldn't do the search. I think we can all agree that rappers should just steer clear of Texas. In an interesting twist, Snoop was arrested in the same small town in West Texas where Willie Nelson was arrested last year.  That town will now officially be re-named "Buzzkill, Texas."  

 

Plastic Becomes Plastic

Wed., Jan. 04, 2012 1:51 PM PST by

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According to US Weekly, Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian will be "immortalized" as Barbie's pals in an upcoming limited-edition doll line. A source told the magazine that the dolls will "reflect the girls' measurements and may even come in Kardashian-designed outfits."  It's too easy for me to make a joke about what size doll house little girls will have to get to fit a Barbie with those measurements inside, let alone three of them, so I'm going to take the high road and not even go there. But saying they "may" wear Kardashian designs is pretty stupid.  Of course they will-those girls leave no penny, and no child sweat shop, unturned. Apparently Kim Kardashian already started talking about this new venture over Christmas via Twitter. She Tweeted "Merry Christmas Barbs!" to…well…Barbie. It's going to be kind of sad when someone has to break it to her that Barbie isn't real. However in the mean time, I have a feeling those two are enjoying some of the most intellectual exchanges Kim Kardashian has ever had.  Speaking of Kim's Twitter, she also Tweeted on December 31^st that she painted her nails for New Year's Eve. That's a real F-U to her critics. Clearly…she's busy.

 

The Rainbow State

Mon., Jan. 02, 2012 3:00 PM PST by

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Yesterday, Hawaii became one of five states who allow same-sex civil unions. To that I say: "New Year, New you go, girl." It slipped my mind that Hawaii didn't already recognize same-sex unions, since it's the rainbow state and a beautiful destination for a big gay ceremony. Luckily the lesbians won't have to profess their love to each other in grass skirts, since most of them already have a built-in one. But I do think the gay men are going to have a hard time finding a ukulele player who knows techno. I'm glad Hawaii is onboard with the rights for gays; I believe we all should be. The only thing that makes me a little nervous is the idea that it might be some Republican Right Wing agenda to get all of the gays on a handful of islands in the Pacific. Hopefully I'm wrong. Maika'I nui loa, Hawaii. Fingers crossed that all the unions that now take place in Hawaii follow their state role model and have a strong relationship just like when Dog the Bounty Hunter married another lady.