Kathie Lee Gifford has stopped by the Chelsea Lately offices to ask for an apology from Chelsea, who recently cancelled on the Today Show. Reluctantly, Chelsea says she's sorry, but as she does you can tell that something inside of her dies.
The last scrap of her ice-cold soul.
Ross Matthews, the nicest man in the world, is set to guest-host the show so that Chelsea can take a day off to get a colonoscopy, but after hearing how excited the writers are to work with him, she decides to cancel it and linger around the office to try to win them back.
Which she is unable to do... because they all hate her.
(The show should be called Chelsea Hately)
Meanwhile, Chuy is on an empowerment kick and no longer wants to be objectified as a tiny human doll that the staff can dress up in stupid costumes. It turns out Chuy has developed a personal relationship with Melissa Etheridge, who has inspired him to be more than just a little nugget.
He wants to finally become a big-boy nugget!
While editing a sketch, Jiffy notices that while Heather was sitting down in between takes, Jax, Chelsea's dog, attacked her crotch in the most horrifying way possible (sexually)... and she loved it.
Just as Ross is about take the stage for the show taping, Chelsea tells him his guest-hosting gig is off and that she'll be hosting instead.
Nice guys DO finish last, and cold-hearted bitches get to host late-night TV shows!
Jiffy: "Trying to shoot a sketch with these guys is like trying to wrangle cats. And I'm not talking about, like, nice kittens that live with old ladies and drink milk all day. I mean like feral street cats. The kind of cats dogs are afraid of. They have diseases and they're all angry and they all hate each other's guts, but they stick together in this weird pack because deep down inside they're just scared little kittens."
Chelsea: "They want nice. It's much harder to be real, and if they confuse that with being mean then I'll show them nice. I'll show these f*cking stupid sh*t idiots what nice is."
Ross: "I love guest hosting this show. I mean, it's a big deal and an honor. But, usually when you guest host a show the host… isn't there. It's hard to fill someone's shoes when she's still standing in them… right behind you."