The B!tch replies:  Forget the movies. The movies are lame. Last year's winners went nowhere—even the one about the girl with teeth in her vajayjay, and that really says something. This year the film market is reportedly dead, too.

The real importance of Sundance now lies in the parties and the swag suites, where celebrities like Paris Hilton and Cisco Adler make spectacular 11th-hour bids at retaining whatever milligram of fame they have left between them.

I understand that David Katzenberg's A-game involved photographing his franks and beans while his girlfriend, Nicky Hilton, giggled on. Adrian Grenier went snowboarding with Lil Jon, of all people. Paris, meanwhile, opted for a scorched-earth advance—lap dancing on Jared Leto—at roughly the same time Adler was getting into a reported tussle with a bar owner.

Soldier on, young warriors. Soldier on.

You may notice that few to none of these people have movies debuting at Sundance. But the entertainment and gossip press sure is there. And unlike the Oscars, with its superrare golden tickets, or the SAG awards, which requires its nominees to be actual actors, pretty much anyone can touch down in Park City and get wasted at one of the bars while Page Six takes notes.

Rising stars also like Sundance because it's a casual, laid-back environment in which once can assess one's worth and maybe make a bid for Nicole Kidman's spot in the A-list. The agents are right there. Harvey Weinstein is right there. The press, as I have said, is right there.

I understand that Emily Blunt recently endured a back-to-back marathon of media interviews to promote two films debuting at Sundance—a feat that won her some love from the wire services.

"Expectations for stardom run high for Blunt," Reuters sang earlier this week.

Well played, young ninja. Well played.

Somewhere at a bar in Park City, Paris Hilton is weeping.

• NEXT QUESTION:  Why do celebs in L.A. dress all wintry?

• GET MY PODCAST: It's on iTunes!