"When I'm done rehearsing, I'd like your feedback. Tell me if I was brilliant or simply outstanding."
"What's that saying? The show's gotta go all over the place, or something."
"If he and I got married, the Gap would give me a 50 percent discount."
"Oh, hell to the no! Look, I'm not down with this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland."
"I'm gonna sue the pants off of you, Will. I'm going to take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean, seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."
"Come on guys! There's got to be a Journey song we haven't done yet."
"I'm more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now. It's Brittany...bitch."
"God didn't let you touch Rachel's boobs. Rachel did."
"I don't know what two guys do when they're together. You know I sat through that whole Brokeback Mountain, from what I gather, something went down in the tent."
"Do not get up in The Panther's business, lady. You're all coffee and no omelette."
"Give me some chocolate, or I will cut you."
"The only straight I am is straight-up bitch."
"Trust me on this. I've been planning weddings since I was two. My Power Rangers have gotten married and divorced in so many combinations it's like they're Fleetwood Mac."
"The first time I cheated, I got pregnant. The second time I did it, I got mono. I think the universe is trying to tell me something."
"The thing about chicks is that you only have to be a fraction as nice to them as you were mean to them to get them to like you again."
"I told my mom I had the flu and she made me a traditional tea made out of...panda hair."
"I told my parents I only want one thing for Christmas this year: stop friending me on Facebook."
"Mike tries to be into what I'm into. Like his abs."