All week people were telling me that I had to watch the Golden Globes.  They said that it was something that I should not miss.  So, last night, I sat down ready to see golden globes and all I saw were the same Hollywood assholes I see every day at work.  I thought it was an award show about really nice boobs.  They really need to rename it.  I know I'm not the only one who fell for that trick.  I'm starting an online petition as soon as I can figure out how to get to the petition website.  

Why does everybody give Lindsay Lohan such a hard time?  Sure she's been to jail but so have I and look how good that turned out.  I was at Blockbuster this weekend and the only movies on the shelves were with Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid and Keanu Reeves.  She must be doing something right to be in such good company.  For the record, I rented "Herbie, Fully Loaded" and I have to say I thought both she and Herbie were very natural.   

A 62 year old woman was arrested for aggravated battery after she hit a 65 year old man in the head with a hammer. The woman told police that she was "upset" with the man because he was watching "Judge Judy." What's your beef with "Judge Judy," girl?  I'm going to go out on a limb and guess there was more going on with these two than that. The man is okay for the most part; he only ended up with a large cut on his head. So that rules out this woman's profession being carpenter or roofer. This happened in Florida, but at this point that goes without saying. Police didn't get much information from the woman; they said that she wasn't able to hold a conversation after the incident. I'm not sure why; she sounds smart. But the lack of information has made it unclear to the police what the relationship between these two is. Well whatever it is, it's not great.

I think malls all need to be made up of those moving sidewalks.  How do they expect people to carry their bags, eat  Mrs. Fields cookies, try new cologne, drink their Orange Julius and look at girls?  It's almost like they don't want you to be there at all.  I would ride my scooter but there's an old lady there who always races me.  Her scooter is so fast. 

According to TMZ, rapper Snoop Dogg was arrested in Texas this weekend after a drug-sniffing dog uncovered marijuana on his tour bus. What…a shocker. I always thought Doggs-and dogs-were supposed to stick together. It also doesn't say much about this police department that they needed a dog to find weed on Snoop's bus. I'd think you could find it by simply walking on to Snoop's tour bus-or standing within 40 feet of Snoop's tour bus. I guess the head of the police department, Captain Obvious, was tied up elsewhere and couldn't do the search. I think we can all agree that rappers should just steer clear of Texas. In an interesting twist, Snoop was arrested in the same small town in West Texas where Willie Nelson was arrested last year.  That town will now officially be re-named "Buzzkill, Texas."  

When I was growing up, I didn't wear a lot of socks.  We went barefoot or wore sandals.  Now that I wear shoes everyday, I have to admit, I get why socks are such a big deal.  It's like they're giving your feet a hug all day.  I might try gloves next week.  I just haven't figured out a way to wear them without looking like I want to commit a crime.

According to US Weekly, Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian will be "immortalized" as Barbie's pals in an upcoming limited-edition doll line. A source told the magazine that the dolls will "reflect the girls' measurements and may even come in Kardashian-designed outfits."  It's too easy for me to make a joke about what size doll house little girls will have to get to fit a Barbie with those measurements inside, let alone three of them, so I'm going to take the high road and not even go there. But saying they "may" wear Kardashian designs is pretty stupid.  Of course they will-those girls leave no penny, and no child sweat shop, unturned. Apparently Kim Kardashian already started talking about this new venture over Christmas via Twitter. She Tweeted "Merry Christmas Barbs!" to…well…Barbie. It's going to be kind of sad when someone has to break it to her that Barbie isn't real. However in the mean time, I have a feeling those two are enjoying some of the most intellectual exchanges Kim Kardashian has ever had.  Speaking of Kim's Twitter, she also Tweeted on December 31^st that she painted her nails for New Year's Eve. That's a real F-U to her critics. Clearly…she's busy.

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Yesterday, Hawaii became one of five states who allow same-sex civil unions. To that I say: "New Year, New you go, girl." It slipped my mind that Hawaii didn't already recognize same-sex unions, since it's the rainbow state and a beautiful destination for a big gay ceremony. Luckily the lesbians won't have to profess their love to each other in grass skirts, since most of them already have a built-in one. But I do think the gay men are going to have a hard time finding a ukulele player who knows techno. I'm glad Hawaii is onboard with the rights for gays; I believe we all should be. The only thing that makes me a little nervous is the idea that it might be some Republican Right Wing agenda to get all of the gays on a handful of islands in the Pacific. Hopefully I'm wrong. Maika'I nui loa, Hawaii. Fingers crossed that all the unions that now take place in Hawaii follow their state role model and have a strong relationship just like when Dog the Bounty Hunter married another lady.

Champagne is wonderful at this time of year, but too much of it can cause your stomach to bubble. So in this recipe we add peach nectar and schnapps to sweeten it up and lemon to give it a citrusy bite. The ice is optional but Chelsea likes everything cold so just do it. Make 4 portions. 

Ingredients
8 oz peach nectar or fresh peach puree
4 tsp. fresh lemon juice
4 oz peach schnapps
4 oz chilled sparkling Champagne
2 cups crushed ice

In a pitcher combine the peach, lemon juice, peach schnapps and crushed ice. Pour the Champagne into the pitcher. Stir it up and serve.

Baking is very time consuming, and it has to be followed or else things go awry in a hurry.  Make sure you have a couple hours to kill and a few beers and don't do this alone because its no fun to bake alone.  The cookies are just as sweet as the torte and they are a great sugar fix. The jam that you use has to be thick or else it will run wild all over the place and you will disappoint guests and their outfits.  Show some pride and do it right. Makes 30 cookies

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups butter
2 eggs
2 cups sugar
2 lemons, zest of
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 1/2 cups almonds , ground up in food processor
2 cups all purpose flour
2 pinches ground cloves
powdered sugar for dusting
2 cups good quality raspberry jam

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a mixing machine, add the sugar and the butter and whip on high speed till light and creamy. Add the eggs and the lemon zest and mix for another minute until incorporated. In a separate mixing bowl combine all dry ingredients and mix well then add to the wet ingredients and mix well.  Remove the dough from the bowl and divide into three disks.  Place into plastic wrap and place in freezer for 30 minutes or until pliable.  

For the bottoms:
On a floured surface, roll out dough to about 1/8 inch thickness and take cookie cutters and cut out your cookies quickly before the dough gets soft.  Place each cookie on a sheet pan lined with parchment paper and nonstick spray. Bake for 8-10 minutes and taste one for the record.  It should be somewhat soft but not too hard.  Take out and let cool. 

For the tops:
Using a cookie cutter that has the center cut out, repeat the used for the bottoms. Once the cookies are done baking you may start putting a dollop of jam in the center of each. Do not spread the jam, let it sit in a ball as when you put the top cookie on it will look nice and neat and not sloppy.  Before you put the top cookie on, dust it with powdered sugar and then place on top of jam and serve.