Fibro-Go to Work
I keep seeing commercials for a condition called fibromyalgia in the commercial they list all the symptoms for it and although I know I'm not a doctor this disease sounds less like a disease and more like lazy to me.
Horror-Scope
I was looking at my horoscope in some kind of celebrity magazine and it said that I am the same sign as Tyra Banks and that my lucky color is black. That made me laugh. She is black and so is my lucky color. I don't wear a lot of black clothes. I'm starting to think horoscopes are so stupid.
Fighting Hunger
I read in In Touch magazine another story about how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are always fighting. But then I always see pictures of them looking happy and going places together. I know I have said this before but it is just so darn confusing. Anyway this time the article said that it is hurting the kids. It said that Zahara eats cheetos all the time because nobody is taking good enough care of her. Well guess what if that is the case then I hope people stop taking care of me because I want to eat cheetos all day.
Chuy Brockovich
I read in one of those magazines that we read for work that the girl Erin Brockovich that Julia Roberts played back a few years ago has had a tough time and she feels like the movie about her made her life tougher. Um I would like to say if somebody wants to make a movie about me I have no complaints.
Short Day
There is a guy coming on the show today named Shorty Rossi. He is a little guy like me and he rescues pit bulls and he has a show about it. I'm feeling a little jealous. Ms Chelsea is so excited to have him we all know she likes little people but now he rescues dogs, she has rescued a dog they have so much in common where does that leave me? Maybe I will put a whoopi cushion in his interview chair.
InSINsitive
I read an article that Australia is the number-one country for sinning. They got to be number one because they are ranked first for envy and then third for lust and gluttony.
United States ranked number one for gluttony, but since Australia had the other two high ranks for bad stuff, they got number one overall. Now I know why Ms Chelsea liked Australia so much. Busted, girl.
Moobies
Some plastic surgeons in England said that it is very popular for men to get plastic surgery on, guess what? Their man boobs! What? That is too weird why would a guy do that? I don’t think it sounds very safe and if you need some help hiding your man boobs just do like me and wear a vest over your shirt every day nobody can tell what I'm hiding.
Toot Toot
I read a story in US Weekly that Jessica Simpson let out a big fart during a meeting. Also she once did it on her show the newlyweds then also once she said she likes to give dutch ovens. I want to tell Jessica that I am worried about her. I think that she thinks it's funny or whatever but really she may have a medical condition. Get that checked, girl.
Swift Win
I am so excited that my girl Taylor Swift won the grammy award for the album of the year! She is really good and she seems sweet too so I was pulling for her. I hope Beyoncé doesn't read this and get mad at me for liking another singer don't worry Beyoncé I still like it and I would totally put a ring on it.
Signature Move
People at work get so excited when somebody requests an autograph from them. I understand that they are flattered but guess what Heather McDonald, people ask me for my autograph all the time too. In fact they ask me so much that my little hands can't keep up and I had to get a stamp made. Now who is the coolest?