Leave Britney Alone

INFphoto.com

Dear Mr. Jamie Spears:

I am writing this letter of complaint because it seems that you have taken away a huge source of material from me and my staff when you came back into your daughter Britney's life and took control.  Do you understand how easy our job was when she decided to step into a barbershop in Los Angeles at 11 p.m. on a Friday night (I still don't know why they were open) and shave her head? When she grabbed a patio umbrella and attacked a Paparazzi van while taking a smoke break during a stint in rehab, we worked a half day and went to happy hour while the topic wrote itself.  Mr. Spears, I respect you for doing your fatherly duty and getting your daughter back on the straight and narrow. But, would it be too much to ask for you to take a couple of days off and leave Britney alone with some hair shears or a zoo animal?  I just need a couple of crotch shots and maybe some petty theft.  Fall is rapidly approaching and I really want to spend one last afternoon at the beach.