Are You There, Messes?

Focus Pictures, PacificCoastNews.com; Jesse Grant/Getty Images; INFdaily.com

I'm finding it difficult lately to blog.  It's not because I'm too busy…I'm an amazing multi-tasker.  It just seems like stupid celebrity news is slow these days. 

What the hell is the problem? I depend on certain people to make my day easier, and giving me a topic to write about is part of that. 

I see you, Kate Gosselin. I have you covered. You too, Charlie Sheen. I know who you are, and I know what you did. 

But I need the rest of you to do your part. Where are all my other hot messes gone? Am I going to have to drive to Malibu and hand Britney Spears a razor, some shaving cream and a keg of Red Bull? I know Lindsay Lohan can't keep her sh-t together, and so do all of my readers. I need more than that. I thought maybe I could get a nice paragraph out of Kiefer Sutherland's recent drunken escapades, but frankly I found the whole thing pretty impressive.

I don't know if everybody in Hollywood started wearing underwear, but it's been a while since a good old fashioned bare-coslopus-getting-out-of-a-limo has shown up on TMZ, and I for one would appreciate some effort on the part of young Hollywood. 

Your move, Tara Reid.