Grant Show Says No to Melrose, Keeps Things Private

ABC/RICHARD CARTWRIGHT

He's not coming to the new Melrose Place. No way, no how. So deal with it, CW!

This is the message original M.P. star Grant Show has regarding the latest iconic remake in the hopper, but the good news is fans will get to see him much sooner: tonight!

Grant joins ABC's Private Practice as Archer Forbes Montgomery, Addison's (Kate Walsh) totally misbehavin' big brother, and he tells us at least one female at Oceanside Wellness will fall prey to his charms. So who is it? The answer is...

Believe it or not, Archer hooks up with Naomi (Audra McDonald). (I know! Scandal!)

According to Grant, "Archer is trying to get Addison to come back to New York, so he does everything he can to screw up her life, and one of those things is to start a little affair with Naomi."

Not cool, dude. "No, and [Naomi's ex-husband] Sam (Taye Diggs) is not too happy about that either. Nobody's happy about it—that's why I did it."

Of course, this being television, Archer's plan goes a bit awry. "Naomi is intended to be a one-night thing—I'm just the feel-good guy, Archer is really a cad and a rake, he's a ladies' man—he might be a sex addict, I'm not sure...but I think he does start developing feelings for her, and she does for him, too." (Sam, you have my permission to punch Archer in the face--or maybe that's what just happened in the photo above!)

As for this larger mission to bring Addison back to New York, Grant says, "There is something else bigger that's going on, that we'll find out later, because I leave and then I come back again later, and something happens that's really kind of cool. That's going to be in about two months."

What is going on? Well, I'm personally convinced that neurologist Archer has discovered he's sick in the head, and he wants Addison to come back to New York to help him out. No dice on that, but when she finds out what's up, she drags him to Seattle, home of the next-best brain doctor in the world after her brother: her ex-husband, Dr. Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey). And there, my friends, you have a golden opportunity for a Grey's Anatomy-Private Practice crossover...What do you think? Crazy talk? Got a better theory? Of course you do! Post in the comments.

And check out the sneak peek below...

--Reporting by Jennifer Godwin