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What's Levi Johnston Hiding—Besides His Johnson?

Levi Johnston Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

Happy Monday! Are you stuffed? Well, here's something to digest along with your free-range turkey leftovers, babes. Just a little morsel to help start the wondrous week off right:

There was a party in the always horny and hard-livin' Hollywood Hills quite recently. Guess who came?

That burp of infamy otherwise known as Levi Johnston.

He really is the male version of what a Donna Rice or a Monica Lewinsky used to be right? Some kind of half-way good-lookin' opportunist who just happened to be on the edge of (or right smack in) a scandal at the right time, and then cashed in on it shamelessly afterwards.

So, there Levi is at a party in the Hills, fresh off his Playgirl press tour that proved absolutely nothing besides the fact that he needs to trim his underarm hair.

And Levi, all disheveled like, emerged from...

...a bedroom of this very posh mansion, with another dude!

The utterly casual clothes Levi had on were half-way thrown together, and he was straightening them rather haphazardly, like he just got caught in a windstorm of bad PR or somethin'.

What had he been doing, we wonder?

Was a cornucopia of Bristol Palin look-alikes behind that closed door? I'm sure Levi's darling and demented nemesis, Sarah Palin, would just adore to know precisely what the father of her grandkid was up to in that fancyass upstairs bedroom.

Was it some Matthew McConaughey-style nude bongo playing, perhaps? A little naughty, boyish activity Palin could write about in her next installment of Republicanized, gun-promoting, right-livin' Americana propaganda? We'll see.

Because we assure you, the debauched Hollywood life we all pretend to despise but secretly are so fascinated by, hasn't seen the last of Johnston. Not by a long, undressed shot.

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