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True Blood Recap: Sookie Attracts Abtastic Men!

Sun., Jul. 17, 2011 8:22 PM PDT by Ted Casablanca and Natalie Wheeler

Joe Manganiello, True Blood, Publicity Art

Art Streiber/HBO

Yeah, there was a little women's soccer game this Sunday—better luck next time, USA—but more importantly there was True Blood!

Human or otherwise, we're officially in the meat of the fourth season, and we're not about to miss any major moments with Sookie (Anna Paquin) and her hot love square. Seriously, this part-fairy's got every sexy supernatural panting at her feet.

So what's the bloody dirt on this week's episode?

The Witches Are Finally Cool!

We'll 'fess, at first we were majorly ambivalent about the Wikkans on TB. (Okay, so we wanted a superhot head witch, don't judge.) But Marnie (Fiona Shaw) is getting more and more badass, people, so these spellcasters are growing on us. Like, Marnie turning Pam's face into century-old goop? A-mazing.

Now, can Tara and Lafayette just start casting spells too already? Because we know they'll bring it da-own.

Eric and Alcide's Abs, Side by Side

Heaven. Just heaven. Sigh…

…Oh sorry, we're still being treated for Skarsholm Syndrome. It's perfect how Sookie just happens to call Alcide (Joe Manganiello) for help after Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) gets way high in the sky off fairy blood. And then fangbangers everywhere proceeded to drool over both of them. Guess that means Alcide's officially in the "possible hook up" category for Sook. Jealous much?

And in terms of the Eric/Sookie saga, the ass pinch at the beginning of the episode was perfect, but what's with Sookie dissing a make out moment with Eric? You made him sad, Sookie, so very sad.

Jason and Jessica Forever?

Duh, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) has had a horrible few days, but we've found a way to make it up to him! Hook up with Jessica (Jessica Ann Woll), stat. She ain't as crazy as that werepanther he just barely managed to ditch, and we totes saw that look he gave her when he was slurping her yummy blood.

Although Jess does have really nice BF and all, so that may be an issue. Still, we see chemistry, baby!

So what do you think of our matchmaking? Are witches taking over the world? Who has better abs, Eric or Alcide?

PHOTOS: True Blood Season Four