The Awful Truth

Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player. Get the latest Flash player.

Tell Ted All About It

Got a hot tip or bitch? Share it, and you might see it here!

Sign Up for the Awful Express

Get Ted’s freshest dish delivered to your inbox!

Awful Truth Archives

Click Here to check out The Awful Truth Archive.

Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player. Get the latest Flash player.

One Same-Old, Shame-Old Blind Vice

Thu., Mar. 13, 2008 5:06 PM PDT by Ted Casablanca

Love Life is a smart flick that became a megahit with everyone from teens to adults, with some critical trophy amour thrown in for good measure. Shark Wankberg, a supersuccessful catch (some say), was the main man behind funding the somewhat quirky film. However, the only reason the damn movie got greenlighted in the first place wasn’t because of the offbeat script that floated all over T-town, but because Sharky wanted to sleep with terribly classy Sheila Slurp-Never, who was famously attached to the project.

See, Sheila’s been a rising star since she first stepped onto the silver screen. Shee-babe’s respected and talented—not to mention quite doable—and S.W. set his sights on bedding the hon some time ago, trust. But as Ms. Slurp-Never puts up such a good act of being the pissy, high-minded brainy type, the horny dude never thought he had a chance getting the broad between the sheets. But that certainly didn’t mean Shark didn’t try his utter best.

Mr. Wankberg saw to it to lay out the cash to get Love’s production rolling along, using his producer power as an excuse to get closer to SSN. And sometime during the filming of the movie that would actually turn out to make millions, Sharky finagled an opportunity to wine and dine Sheila on his yacht, and they did, indeed, do the deed. Turned out to be a piece o’ (very expensive) nooky cake for Shark, much to his slutty surprise.

Regardless, the S’s stealthy sexploits were kept hush-hush—could it be because SSN is a few decades Shark’s junior? Or maybe it’s because Sheila found out about Sharkie’s funding favor for the film and felt obligated to him? Doubt it. She be a horncat, that babe.

On a power-salacious side-note, Ms. Slurp-Never’s costar was also sneaking beneath the sheets with one of the flick’s other producer-types, though less scandalously so since their ages (and intentions) were more on the same page. Boring!

And it ain't: