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Morning Piss: Garner Employee Gushes Gratuitously

Wed., Oct. 15, 2008 3:52 AM PDT by Ted Casablanca

FAME Pictures

I went to sleep last night watching L.A., north of my house, burn—it was harrowing. The country's finances seem to be fairly incinerated, as well. Pretty depressing times, even in shallow as hell Hell-Ay, I'll tell ya.

But great news!

Woke up to discover at the top of the city's fire coverage that Lauren Conrad's fashion samples were safe, I really didn't get a wink wondering, you know. What a relief. And then, for even more soothing headlines, there was Rachel Zoe, celeb stylist famous for eating on occasion, telling Celebuzz all about what a great "grounded" gal her employer Jennifer Garner is and how she's such a fabulous "supermom." Superbe-yotch, is more like it, as I and readers of the Awful Truth are well aware.

Garner's provoked, very meanly, my colleagues, without provocation, I assure you. Worried about that commission about as much as you are folks discovering your real age, darlin' Rach? Just a thought, nothing more, not really that concerned here, I have bigger charred fish to fry, trust.