Morning Bitch-Back! Does Mila Kunis Need to Eat a Burger?

Readers ask about Mila, Miranda Cosgrove, Kristen Bell and Nicole Kidman

By Ted Casablanca Aug 05, 2011 11:10 AMTags
Mila KunisKristina Nikishina/Epsilon/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I seem to remember both Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman saying that they regained their lost weight after Black Swan very easily, and with Natalie's pregnancy she didn't have much of a choice, but when I see Mila in recent pictures, she seems about as skinny as they come. Is that just her thin frame or is there more to it?
—Bastiaan

Dear Baby Weight:
M.K. is skinny, sure, but not deathly skinny like some of her wasted-away peers. There's pressure in this town to slim down (duh!) if you want to make it on the big screen, which Mila does, but you don't have to worry that Mila was only at Nobu for the "nonromantic" company. She's a broad who's not afraid to say what's what. Go, Mila!

Dear Ted:
Still need clarification on the B.V. name situation. Let's just say Strippa Rip-Ya has an entirely new Blind Vice with someone other than Caesar. Does she get a new moniker? I have to try and track Srtippa's activities as they are so about to heat up. Also, did Strippa have a different B.V. in the past under another name given how she loves those high-profile relationships?
—Strippa Stalker

Dear Ripped a New One:
Unless I out Strippa (or, possibly, she decides to out herself), then she gets one name and one name only, no matter what she's up to with whom. So Strippa (and her fellow Vicers) only appear under one moniker. Got it, babe?

Dear Ted:
Anything Vicey going on behind the scenes of iCarly? Miranda Cosgrove can act as a pretty convincing bad girl, and I know young stars love to rebel. Any dish?
—Jackie

Dear Slime Time:
None of those iCarly chicks have shown up on my Vice radar. Surprising, too, ‘cause you'd think they would have realized that tabloid attention is what's making stars these days. Just ask those Disney darlings!

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Kristen Bell and Craig Ferguson? I get it, they're supposed to be very close, but I don't know, I'm vibing some chemistry between the two during this French week. Totally off?
—Omega

Dear Funny Friends:
Totally off, babe, and thankfully so. Both Kristen and Craigy are happily hooked up in significant relationships, so what you're "vibing" off is just good TV. They're pals and have no problem joking around for the camera, but that's as sexy as this pairing gets.

Dear Ted:
You're very quick to absolve Justin Timberlake of all blame when his bodyguard punches a guy and then kicks him as he's lying on the ground, but you were miffed at Nicole Kidman for years when her bodyguard assaulted a pap. What gives?
—Agusta

Dear Blind:
Are we reading the same stories? First of all, I don't see any other gossips pursuing follow-up items to the original story, as I did—exactly what I did with Nicole Kidman, when her people beat up the paparazzi a couple of years ago. We still need to know exactly what happened with Timberlake's bodyguard encounter (we only have the security guy's version, not the photographer's), and until then, I say jury out.

Dear Ted:
I think we should play Ditch, Do or Marry B.V. stars edition. What do you think? Can I make a start: Ditch Crescent Kumquat, Do Nelly Fang and Marry Nevis Divine. Would you agree?
—B.V. Fan

Dear Ditched and Hitched:
You've got two right, babe: Nelly and The Captain are definitely doable, and Cres (and his not-so-sexy STD) should be kicked to the curb stat. But Nev so isn't the marrying type. But if I must pick between these three, then you nailed it, doll. Nevis is easy to deal with; I'm sure we could work out some sort of bed-hopping arrangement after saying "I do."