Bitch-Back! Brangelina Plays It Up for the Paps!

Jeff Vespa/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
So I see Brangelina at Cannes, and they're lovey-dovey, playing it up for the cameras. Did you see that "secret" make-out session where Brad was keeping one eye open to make sure the paps in hiding were taking their pic? Ugh. They truly make me ill. I don't buy any of it. What is your take on all of this?
—Mel

Dear Kiss-Kiss Bang-Brangie:
We're just sorry they don't make it steamier since they know we're all watching! Can't they for once pull a Paris and Doug? We're all imagining it anyway!

Dear Ted:
I was reading your comments about the intolerance Adam Lambert may have to face from the public/media if he outs himself, which is fair. But I hope you're not implying that those who voted for Kris Allen are somehow intolerant. I for one think Adam seems like a class act and is very talented, but, personally, his singing makes me want to stab my ears with a compass. I think most people either feel like they just like one contestant more than the other, and it's not likely (especially with a paid call-in system) an "I hate the gay so I'm going to vote for the other one" situation.
—spookysgrl

Dear Allen Fan:
Some people truly do hate gay people that much, they would vote for Kris just to make sure Adam didn't win. Not everyone, of course, but don't think they don't exist.

Dear Ted:
What do you think about Michael Vick being uncaged? Do you think he'll play again in the NFL? If yes, do you think it's a shame that we can't contribute to a bounty fund to reward the opposing player who inflicts a Barbaro-type injury on Vick?
—Margery W.

Dear Wash Your Mouth Out:
Now don't go treating Vick like he treats animals. That's exactly what we're trying to get away from. But I do think he should have to pay a (hefty) portion of all his future earnings to animal rights causes.

Dear Ted:
Are Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell dating? They have been acting like they're a couple in love all season long. Paula even told Simon she loves him on live TV. Ryan makes suggestive comments about them. What's the truth? Can you find out?
—Idol Fan

Dear American Couple:
Don't start writing Paula/Simon erotic fanfic quite yet. Any sexual tension is strictly for the cameras. Not like they both don't need it bad!

Dear Ted:
Donald Trump is really creepy and gross, but there was a huge difference between the Katie Rees pics and the Carrie Prejean pics. Katie Rees' pics were raunchy and there was actual nudity, whereas Carrie Prejean's were tastefully done by a professional photographer and so far none have leaked with actual nudity. Like the bigot or not, it's not the same situation except the notable part where both girls lied in the contract they signed to do the pageant.
—lulrich

Dear Do Your Research:
None have leaked with nudity? Then what the ef are these? And isn't lying enough to make it the same sitch?

Dear Ted:
My favorite bisexual friend put it best: "When you're like me, you get to have sex with twice as many people." Please pass this news around Hollywood, then maybe they'll all come out and enjoy the freedom!
—Sarah

Dear Both Ways:
There's already more than a few of 'em running around! Don't you read the Blind Vices?

Dear Ted:
What do you think of the rumors linking John Krasinski to his costar Lake Bell (while Emily Blunt is away filming in England)? Is it over between Blunt and Krasinski? Is this report all BS or is John just a big flirt?
—hkuhn

Dear Bluntski Fan:
Distance doesn't help a relaysh one bit. But who isn't a flirt in H'wood?

Dear Ted: 
What do you think will happen with Robsten during the break between New Moon and Eclipse? Will absence make the heart grow fonder?
—Ali

Dear Robsten From Afar:
They won't be separated all that long, trust.

Dear Ted:
Ted, you're a loon. Just because Bill O'Reilly believes marriage should be between a man and a woman doesn't make him anti-gay, and you know that. It's obvious you don't listen to his show or to Fox News or you wouldn't make such biased, character-assassinating statements. A flaming lib like you gets his info from the far-left blogs and never checks his facts before he opens his mouth and shows his derriere.
—W. R. Staples

Dear Flaming Anti-Flamer:
Listen to his show? Darling, I've been on the show. Numerous times. I know of what I rant, let's just disagree on that one. And what's wrong with showing what the good (gay-loving) Lord gave me, anyway?

Dear Ted:
First let me say that I'm a Robsten fan, too. I like them both as I like Bella and Edward. I enjoy reading your page almost every day. You write in such a way that it's really fun to read the articles no matter how stupid they may be. Now my question is about Kristen, actually. I think fans and media are not being fair to Kristen. She deserves much more attention and appreciation. All the media and fans are just following Rob. They mention Kristen now and then as an item attached to Rob! I'm sure Rob will do better in New Moon, but yet I feel bad for Kristen. What do you think of her acting compared to Rob's?
—Nasrin

Dear Meryl They Are Not (Yet):
They're both terrific, equally so. And I so agree Kristen's past work is greatly underrated. That's just what happens when you hook up with laser-hot heartthrobs, so can't say I'm exactly weeping here.

Dear Ted:
Just want to say that I'm a fortysomething grandmother who, until recently, didn't give much thought to the whole same-sex marriage idea. But thanks to you, and Perez, it has got me thinking about it and accepting it, and then loving the guts that you have to stand up for it all. The Bible preaches acceptance, not hatred, not prejudice. I firmly believe God has given gays/lesbians a unique challenge. I don't believe that being gay was a choice you made growing up; it's like "choosing" to have blue eyes. Be yourself, be proud. Hang in there. I believe someday this will be a nonissue, just as different races were not allowed to marry and now can. How long do you think it will be before this issue is discussed in my home state of Texas?
—Valerie

Dear Hot Young Granny:
Thanks for the kind (and wise) words. But Bush's home state? Let's just say Cali will come first before Texas even whispers it.

Dear Ted:
Why has the media covered up Rod Stewart's shameful performance on American Idol's finale?
—kcorall

Dear Stewed:
'Cause everyone prolly TiVo'd right through it.