Bitch-Back! Bashing Stewart, Mixed on Megan

Michael Buckner/Getty Images; Steve Granitz/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
I hope you give us more juicy info on Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. They are damn hot, and you know it. Yeah, I know you are a Robsten believer, but I don't give a crap about Kristen Stewart. Rob can do so much better.
—Nikkaylove

Dear Demanding:
Jealous, I take it? Dream on. But if you  come up with a nickname for Rob and Megan, then maybe we'll talk. Mebert? Robgan? Yuck.

Dear Ted:
What is up with Donald Trump playing "catch-up" by firing Carrie Prejean several weeks too late? Did he realize how much public opinion had not sided with him and wanted to fix his problem? I think he looks pathetic. Also, what is up with Megan Fox lately? In all the premieres for the new Transformers flick, she's draping herself all over Shia, who looks, at best, a little distracted. I thought she was supposed to be the new Angelina? Angelina never looked that desperate! She waited until the men were at her feet before beginning the public cuddle fest. Finally, keep up the good work. I am even becoming interested in the fate of Robsten, much to my dismay...I can't stand the movies or the Twilight books, but your description of R.Pattz and K.Stew makes me root for them!
—June, Montreal, Canada

Dear All Over the Map:
The Donald has never been one to hide his ulterior motives, and if he didn't want to look pathetic, he never should have killed and buried The Apprentice. As for Ms. Fox, don't you remember Angie getting grabby with a certain costar in Mr. and Mrs. Smith? She's totally Jolie 2.0., just with less finesse.

Dear Ted:
I think you are so wrong about Adam Lambert coming out before the end of Idol. There's so much homophobia in the U.S. that he probably wouldn't have made the final two. Plus, the fact that he's gay would have gotten more attention than his singing. He would have been "That gay contestant" instead of Adam Lambert. He played it smart.
—Strayerch

Dear Glittering Gay:
Agree to disagree, but it's not like Adam was exactly Joe the Plumber on Idol before he came out, anyway.

Dear Ted:
All you keep saying is that Robsten doesn't give a crap what people think about them or what is written about them? I call BS on that. What 19-year-old girl do you know who is that well-adjusted? No one wants rumors about them, and I'm sure the nastiness and lies get to them. Stop making them out to be superheroes. It's not like you know them personally. How do you know they don't get upset or cry over some things. Anyone would—so I'm sort of sick of hearing about how laid-back and awesome they are. They are kids, and kids are irrational and self-conscious to the core.
—Kristalynn

Dear Miss Sympathy:
That's the trouble with being a celebrity. It comes with the job, honey. And we have this Robsten opinion from up close and personal experience, so you're wrong on that one.

Dear Ted:
Of course, I've been a loyal reader for years, you know that. I would like to remind you of a request to provide Truth, Lies & Ted in written form for those of us who are not able to listen to your snarky tidbits. Thanks for the consideration. Love Ya!
—KikiTopaz

Dear Kiki:
There's a lot of messy work that comes with cleaning up and transcribing the script each week—you'd be surprised. My potty-mouthed deletions alone take legions of editors. I was not encouraged, though, when I asked the powers that be about getting this done for ya, Kiki, but I'll keep tryin'! 

Dear Ted:
What is Fake à la Ferocity up to these days? Is she still using ways other than dieting to stay skinny?
—B Sell 

Dear Quick Fix:
Does Suri Cruise have a best-seller in her?

Dear Ted:
If Britney Spears is really so miserable doing this tour (which I totally believe that she is), why doesn't she just tell her dad and her label that she doesn't want to tour anymore?
— B

Dear Daddy's Girl:
It's called a contract, sweetheart.  And besides, Brit needs this tour. Let me rephrase that: her father does.

Dear Ted:
It seems like the Jonas Brothers' popularity is dying out. When do you think one of them will do something "bad" to get some attention?
— Kelley

Dear Out of the Loop:
Nick and Miley are getting their PG on again, so the downfall of the youngest Jonas may be the next big thing. But seeing as the trio just signed on to host this year's Teen Choice Awards (and their new album is dropping tomorrow!), I don't think the boys are going anywhere. 

Dear Ted:
I must admit I'm never good at guessing games. So your Blind Vice posts really don't do much for me—though I love reading 'em all. But my question is, how do you keep track of all the monikers you use for each one of them? Do you even keep track of them at all? Do you have a ledger/notebook to write down their moniker so they don't get mixed up? Thanks!
—Pregnant Diva

Dear Overorganized:
Bet you would like to get your hands on our Blind Vice archive then. It does exist. With real names and everything! 

Dear Ted:
I'm really getting sick of K.Stew. She is annoying. Rob is hot. He can do so much better. I know they're making you get a lot of hits, but seriously let's hope they aren't together.
—X 

Dear Robsten Hater:
Sorry, babe, but you're alone on that one. And no one's making me do nothin'. If anything, folks are begging me to lighten up on Robsten—I just happen to be into their bitchin' heat.

Dear Ted:
I read your blog everyday. Love it and love you. About Hugh Jackman making Sexiest Man Alive again, I swear I will tear down People myself. He is hot yeah totally agree, but Rob deserves it way more. Rob is hot and sexy, with a cool personality. Love him.
— Erika 

Dear Hottie Divided:
As much as we love R.Pattz, there's nothing wrong with a little more Hugh in our lives. Tons of politics go into that title—let's hope Rob has a movie to promote when the issue hits stands.

Dear Ted:
I've been reading your blog for a year and have become a Robsten fan. I usually read your Robsten threads, but some of the posters are just plain psycho. They talk about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart like they personally know them. It's completely ridiculous. I hope you're aware of what you have started. I wanted to add one thing. I don't like Kristen at all, so less her, and more Robert?
— Briana 

Dear Suck It, Stewart:
Judging from this mail batch, you're not the only one thinking that. I think she's cool—what the hell's the prob?