Bitch-Back! What's Brad Got to Do With It?

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Dear Ted:
Was Angie on the mystery diet when she and Brad got together? If so, why would a man want to have a huge family with a less than "healthy" woman? How accurate is the new bio on these two?
—Kesurface

Dear Bust Up Brange:
Yes, Brad very well knew what he was getting into when he ran over to be Jolie's pet.

Dear Ted:
Have Sarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick ever been in one of your blind vices, either together or separately?
—Victoria

Dear Obvious One:
Of course. Innocent, they're not.

Dear Ted:
Who will make it to the altar first: Hayden Christensen, Jensen Ackles or George Eads?
—Fake it

Dear No for Three:
Eads. By default.

Dear Ted:
As everybody else I raved with Robsten's holding hands photo. As you said, in Robsten's terms that was the equivalent to a sex tape. But precisely because of it, can we say that it was an accident? Just a lucky papz in the right place, in the right time? I mean, they're always trying so hard to not appear together like "together" and now this? Or maybe Summit decided to take some advantage? After all, with New Moon's premiere just there, this is sensational, free publicity. Don't misinterpret me, I think it was great, I mean, it was Robsten holding hands!
—Afrodita

Dear Business Girl:
Rob and Kristen know all eyes are on them all the time. That's why we never get many pics like this. Whether this partic shot was lucky, I can't say. There are usually paps hiding on jetways, so it doesn't seem that out of character for the stalkarazzi. Rob and Kristen wouldn't do it for publicity tho—they don't need it!

Dear Ted:
To add to what we all know in our hearts is true about Robsten is if they weren't seeing each other, don't you think a simple "no" each time they were asked would do? Instead of going on and on about how they don't want to answer; it's private and whatever remark they come up with. Because I don't think they are that smart to try and give a goofy answer so people have to think twice and give up. What do you think?
—Jenni

Dear Nondenial:
Rob and Kristen have given roundabout "no's." But a flat-out denial doesn't mesh with their personality.

Dear Ted:
Do you think that since Gerard Butler hit the big 40 he will finally come out of the closet, or will he keep the door closed and keep eating fries?
—JuicyLucy

Dear Big Butt:
Gerard is known for his 3 a.m. booty texts, and not to dudes.

Dear Ted:
Is the friendship between Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato really over? Or was it all a Disney media strategy? To sell out their images at the first place? Did the overexposure have anything to do with the feud or maybe a little diva's ego?
—Andrea

Dear Bored and More Bored:
These two goody-goodies I can't keep straight. Give me Miley any day.

Dear Ted:
Can I just say you are the funniest gossip columnist on the Net. Love your comeback answers to the sarcastic questions. Here's mine: In a brawl-out catfight, who do you think will win: Twyla Babe-Sucker or Terry Tush-Trade?
—J

Dear Good One:
Hard question 'cause they're the same person. Just kidding. Terry, hands down.

Dear Ted:
My read is that Jennifer Garner is positioning herself to divorce Ben Affleck. Am I correct?
—Statcat

Dear Boo-Hoo Bennifer:
Where'd you read that—here?

Dear Ted:
So Keeping Up With the Kardashians is slowly becoming a guilty pleasure of mine, and I just have to know which of the three sisters (Kim, Kourtney, Khloé) do you think is the most down-to-earth/good-natured/considerate? And which one would you say is the most self-centered/egotistical? Thanks for all the juicy gossip, Ted! You get me through this boring dead-end job of mine every day!
—Tiff

Dear Heart 'Em All:
But I'd say Kim is the most down-to-earth. Shocking, no?

Dear Ted:
Love your column! Is Keanu Reeves in the closet?
—E

Dear Behind Door Number...:
What closet...mine?

Dear Ted:
I'm really sad that you don't care about the regs and longtime lurkers on your board. We want to come on and have meaningful and fun conversations about your stories relating to Rob and Kristen or anything Twi related; however, you continue to allow people to bash and hate us and Robsten. Tonight on the last Truth, Lies & Ted board one poster took over the board and repeatedly posted nonsense. It was impossible to have good discussions. If this is who you want to post then fine, I'll leave. This used to be so much fun but now it's just filled with rude people who bash and hate and monopolize the board. I don't understand why you allow it, because we all love and support you. I really can't take it anymore.
—Feather

Dear Don't Go:
Sorry babe, I think you misread—of course I want this to be a place for discussion. Not hate. And I totally support pro-Robstenites! It's also hard to draw a line in the comment section, gotta say, without hindering people's right for expression. 

Dear Ted:
I enjoyed your piece about Kathryn Joosten and Suzanne Somers. Thought you might be interested in this blog I penned for Salon: I wrote the Three's Company tell-all book "Come and Knock on Our Door" and pitched E! the THS on the series in summer '98. I kept in touch with John Ritter until his death in 2003. Despite all of the press Suzanne did in the hours and days after his tragic passing, they weren't as chummy in his final years as it may have seemed. Anyway, thanks for considering sharing this story with your readers. It's nice to be able to read the real scoop in your column.
—Chris Mann

Dear Uncommon Fan:
Keep on typin' on, boyfriend. And thanks!

Dear Ted:
Going by your definition of a "bad boy," is Viggo Mortensen one?
–celticprincess

Dear Thank You:
For bringing up a reason for me to talk about this sexy hunk. Surprisingly, though, Viggo's pretty good about bein' his own guy. It's the liars in this town who are the really bad dudes: Those who pretend they're up to closeted tricks.

Dear Ted:
What is going on with this New Moon craze?! You see Ashley Tisdale carrying a water bottle with Robert Pattinson's face, then you see Megan Fox holding a pillow with Robert Pattinson's face, and on Ellen, Diane Kruger is kissing Robert Pattinson's picture! What is it about this guy? Enlighten me!
—Lauren

Dear Kidding Me:
Honey, do you read this blolum?

Dear Ted:
So Judas-Jack Off doesn't like his beard? Why can't he find a new one (it can't be that hard in Hollywood)? Or just grow some balls? And what's the next move for him?
—Indecisive

Dear Stick It Out:
Willing beards don't grow on trees, darling.

Dear Ted:
I love your column. It makes everything in life more bearable! As I trust your observations/perceptions implicitly, I must inquire: What is your read on Kate Bosworth? She's still famous, but for what exactly? I know she's a working actress, but her star isn't as bright as it once was, no? Aside from professional opinion, what is her deal? Am I incorrect or does something seem off about her? Is she sweet? Sexy? A man-eater? A girl's girl? Thanks!
—B.E.

Dear Let's Just Say...:
I wasn't surprised when I read the item about her allegedly sucking face with Chris Martin. Not because I thought it was true. But because she's the type of girl tabs could conceive of doing such a thing.

Dear Ted:
I believe it's better to die of embarrassment than of ignorance. So I am asking you if Robert Pattison is the infamous Dashed Dingle-Dream. I really don't care who is his JJO because my guess for Judas is even more challenging.
—Brave Girl

Dear Sorry to Disappoint:
But Rob stars in his Blind Vice.

Dear Ted:
Regarding your recent comment about Angelina Jolie's "mystery diet" (which can't mean anything good!), does Brad Pitt know about it? One would assume he does, since they live together, but how can he possibly be ok with sketchy habits taking place around their six kids? Or is he on this "mystery diet" too?
—Emily

Dear (Not) Eating for One:
Of course Brad knows what's going on. He's just so in lurve he can't help it. B.P. doesn't support it, of course, but he sticks it out with Angie through the thick and thin.

_________

Get more of Ted's thoughts in our Bitch-Back section.