Scarlett Wins Breast of Show--Plus, It's McDreamy vs. Burke!

Frankly, Scarlett: Kudos to Scarlett Johansson for being named Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive, but does this mean Angelina Jolie has been demoted to Most Bodacious Breeder Alive? Scarlett makes sure to warn the writer, "Don't write anything pervy," but he still tries to get her take on In Touch readers awarding her the title of Best Breasts. "I'm sure my mom will be proud," she says. "You work hard making independent films for fourteen years, and you get voted Best Breasts. What about my brain? What about my heart? What about my kidneys and my gallbladder?" After looking at all the semi-pervy pics in Esquire, we're guessing she has the best looking gallbladder in the Biz! There are no complaints here about this smart, smart-alecky and talented ball of voluptuousness. Bravo to Esquire! Our only bone to pick, so to speak, is about a poll by readers in Us Weekly in which 68 percent say Scarlett isn't really that sexy. Now that's perverse. And not in a good way. --Ray Romano in People, when asked about Britney Spears' second pregnancy. Sounds like Everybody Loves Raymond wasn't just a TV show... Jehovah's Witless? So much for having a Dirty Mind. The Enquirer writes that Prince is cleaning up his act--or maybe just trying to clean up somebody else's. The funky Jehovah's Witness, who used to rock out onstage in assless leather pants, reportedly offered all the exotic dancers at Xenii in Hollywood twice what they were getting to stop dancing. The Purple One reportedly preached to them that they were too good to be so bad and asked them, "What would your parents think about you selling yourselves so cheap?" They shrugged it off and continued to shake what their mamas gave them. The mag's source at the club said, "Some of the girls were too young to remember his Purple Rain days. They sort of patronized him as a kindly older man." Oof! Sounds like Prince is well on his way to being the artist formerly known. --Goofball George Clooney in Star, on his plan to pretend to date everybody in Hollywood just to throw off the paparazzi. Good thinking, George! Another Grey Area: Call it a McDonneybrook, a McFracas or a McDustup. But apparently, now it's McHistory. People reports that Grey's Anatomy costars Patrick "McDreamy" Dempsey and Isaiah "Burke" Washington got into a heated on-set argument and nearly came to blows. (According to our own TV critic Kristin Veitch, the tussle erupted because Washington was miffed that some actors were holding up production.) The offscreen drama between the onscreen rivals was soon smoothed over, however, with both actors making nice in public statements and sitting next to each other later at a script reading. Washington even joked that the incident has been a learning experience: "I've never been that close to [Patrick] before. He has really pretty blue eyes." Hey, you two, get a room! And a referee. --Katie Holmes in Us, while hanging out in Paris with Victoria "Posh" Beckham. Wow, TomKat really let the cat out of the bag there. But it seemed to be a calculated release, since she made the same "slip" with People. Hmmm... Cautionary Ta-Tas: She may have made more than 20 movies, but American Pie cutie Tara Reid is most famous for her coming-out party in 2004. That's when a wayward breast tumbled out of her top in front of paparazzi at Diddy's B-day bash while she smiled obliviously for the camera. The nipple slip became a slippery slope for her career, highlighting her seriously botched boob job for all to see in a game of peekaboob that bounced all over the Web. Now, Tara's speaking publicly about her "plastic surgery nightmare" in Us. She talks about exactly what went wrong and the three and a half hours of surgery it took to repair the damage. Along the way, she dishes on past party pals like Paris Hilton and vents about the paparazzi's war on Tara. But Reid says she's getting her confidence back, and now she's getting philosophical: "Maybe this was meant to be so that I could tell the rest of the world what not to do. If it can happen to me--and I'm supposed to be able to get the best--it can happen to anyone." Welcome back, Tara! --Billy Bob Thornton in In Touch. He said herbs, plural, right? Well, either way, he looks smokin' now. It's definitely a huge improvement from his superwraith manorexic period Oh, See, Can You Say...Less? O.C. cutie Rachel Bilson stars in the upcoming flick The Last Kiss, so we understand why In Touch asked her, "What makes a good kiss?" But she provided a little more info than we needed: "As long as there's not too much saliva involved, it's good. You don't want to swallow too much yucky stuff." Ewww! You're supposed to swap spit, Rachel, not swallow it! --Director Pedro Almodóvar in People, on wanting more junk in the trunk from Penélope Cruz, the star of his film Volver. Ultimately, Cruz got her J.Lo on with a custom prosthetic--based on Dustin Hoffman's Tootsie tuchus! Woman of the Veer: This is one traffic accident that Liza Minnelli will get no complaints about from the police. According to the Enquirer, Liza was driving a golf cart to her dressing room on the NYC set of Law & Order: Criminal Intent when she heard a woman shout, "Help! That man stole my purse." Liza spied the thief motoring away on a Vespa, so she got her swerve on and drove in front of him, making him crash. Liza shouted for security, and the cops cuffed him pronto. Solving crimes even while the cameras are off? Somebody make her a series regular! Moobs, There It Is: Proving that women aren't the only ones who take it on the chins in the high-anxiety world of Hollywood body image, Star highlights dudes who have gone "From Hunks to Chunks." Packing on 20-plus pounds are a semi-supersize James Spader and a somewhat larger Matt LeBlanc. But the biggest splash is saved for Top Gun Tom Cruise. They not only highlight his double chin, they also zoom in on his man boobs...or "moobs." Ouch! --Robin Williams in Us, on when it's the right time to hit rehab. Way to chill, Robin. We'll have what he's having. And pour a cup of calm down for Mel as well