Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: "I'm Not Super Slut"

Brandi Glanville continues to get the ladies of 90210 all riled up

If Kyle Richards rolls her eyes one more time, they're going to spin back into her head and stay there permanently.

So what, or who, has her so worked up? Lets just say Brandi Glanville brings out the worst in our beloved Housewives. Their laser-like hatred makes us want to rename the show. Real Bitches of Beverly Hills has sort of a nice ring to it, no?

C'mon on ladies, who doesn't love a penis-naming game?

Of course it wasn't all phallic fun…

Once Adrienne Maloof starts inviting the ladies to a barbecue, you know the really good stuff isn't gonna go down until the party gets started.

Not that we didn't appreciate Dana Wilkey's "two boobs and a tiara" get-together with Kyle and Taylor Armstrong. Especially when she reveals that her 18-month-old is a boy genius. He reads. He speaks Thai.  And the kid's a model with headshots.

Only, later in the show he's seen wearing diapers, so apparently peeing and pooping in his pants is one thing the overachieving mama hasn't curbed yet. But don't worry, she's doing "encyclopedia training," so potty training must be right around the corner. Or at least after M, N and O.

Lisa Vanderpump gets her shot at legitimacy when she's asked to commentate on the royal wedding for CNN. Because she's British…"and married?" snarks Taylor. Sure, talking heads have been booked with less credentials. But why did she have to bring Giggy with her? It's cute in the Watch What Happens Live Clubhouse, but this is CNN. Ditch the dog and do your own interviews. But not your own hair. Are times that tough at the Vanderpump mansion that Lisa's rebellious son has to help clip in her hair extensions?

It can't be problems at Villa Blanca. The restaurant's hopping when Lisa and Ken sit down to dinner with Kyle and Mauricio. And Ken simultaneously slams anyone above or below 100 pounds, describing Dana as "the chubby one" and critiquing Taylor for being too thin. Whoops, foot-in-mouth must be a special on the menu this month.

Back at Casa Kim Richards, the lonely mama is polishing baby photos of her brood that she keeps on the kitchen counter. Next to the sink.  Weird placement, no? The kids have flown the coop and mama's cracking up, uh, more than usual. And what's with her BFF housekeeper Elizabeth? Are we watching the making of the next Zoila (Flipping Out's maid with moxie)?

It seems like all the help is getting more camera time this season. Including Adrienne's belligerent chef Bernie, who has never forgiven Lisa for letting Giggy eat at the table and drink out of the good crystal goblets. Heads up, Bravo, here's your next breakout star.

But back to Brandi and the bawdy BBQ. The fine ladies of 90210 don't approve when her four-year-old son exits Adrienne's pools, strips off his suit and pees on the lawn. Granted, Brandi doesn't do much to correct his behavior, but being embarrassed by your kids is so much more normal-mom behavior than bragging about the languages your son speaks (or telling everyone exactly how much you paid for your $25,000 sunglasses. Three times.).

Not that Brandi isn't a translator of sorts. After all, she educates the rest of the women on Taylor's skinny frame. It's called the divorce diet, didn't you know, where calories don't seem to count no matter how much you eat.

And when Kyle actually wonders out loud if big hands, big feet, big disappointment is code for something, Brandi helpfully explains, "Cock." Glad that's all cleared up. Plus it sparks some deep thought when the women search for synonyms like "wiener," "ma'mer jammer" and "Sherman," though Taylor prefers "penis."

So when Brandi tells the other Housewives "I'm not super slut," we believe her. No matter how much Kyle rolls her eyes. She is a sage. Demystifying the big bad world for the sheltered ladies who lunch.