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Rate-a-Babe: Do Girls in Action Movies Matter?

Spiderman 3: Kirsten Dunst Merie W. Wallance/Columbia Picture
So, first Kirsten Dunst tells Entertainment Weekly that audiences are "not stupid" and would never go to see a Spider-Man movie if she and Tobey Maguire weren't on board. I'll hold off comment on that for a second. Then Rachel Weisz drops out of The Mummy 3 and leaves Brendan Fraser just hanging there in his Indiana Jones-y costume without a wife.

It got me thinking. How much do girls matter when it comes to big action movies? I constructed an elaborate rating system inspired by Jay-Z's song "Change Clothes." Now let's tally the ho's!

SO NECESSARY ACCESSORIES

1. Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman: Yeah, I know, a lot of people wouldn't agree with me. Kirsten doesn't have a lot of fans in the media realm, save the editorial staff at Vogue. But the way I see it, she's entertaining. Even if she doesn't account for all the onscreen excitement, she's killer at accidentally blurting out spoilers. Besides, she is the kissing bandit of modern American cinema. Worse, if she did drop out, they might stick Kate Holmes in there. Ahhaahhah!

2. Laura Dern in Jurassic Park III:  Whether throwing plates at Mark Ruffalo in We Don't Live Here Anymore—which you must rent right now if you haven't seen—or marveling at dinos in Jurassic movies, Laura brings this emotional weight onto the screen. They cannot venture into the wild and the CGI without her.

3. Diane Lane in The Perfect StormI don't love this movie just because I am a Masshole and I remember that wretched, rainy night. I love it because Diane Lane and Mark Wahlberg are so unbelievably believable as lovers. Diane never steps onto the boat to fight the waves with the big guys, but because of her gritty work, the storm onshore never comes off as filler. Nobody ever made being a girl in distress look more exhausting.

The Mummy Returns: Rachel Weisz Universal Studios

SEMI-NECESSARY ACCESSORIES

1. Rachel Weisz in The Mummy 3: I don't know about you, but news that Rachel was dropping out of this trilogy was the first time I'd even thought about it in a while. And something tells me that by the time you are reading this, I will have forgotten about Mummy all over again.

Batman Begins: Katie Holmes Warner Bros. Entertainment

SO NOT NECESSARY ACCESSORIES

1. Kate Bosworth in Superman Returns:  Remember Margot Kidder, her spunk and her fine lines and her whip-smart delivery? Remember Kate and her wispy, pretty way? Argh! I'm sorry, but there is so much more to Lois than fire engine red lipstick. At least, there was before Kate came along.

2. Katie Holmes in Batman BeginsLOLOL. No one ever had easier shoes to fill than Maggie Gyllenhaal does in the next Batman installment. I mean, I know Mrs. Cruise perfected the art of acting with your face on Dawson's Creek. But that was a teen melodrama. In a somber epic like Batman, a girl has to bring a little more to the table than big eyes and a couture trench coat.

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