"Joe Millionaire" Ditches Gold Digger

Good girls do finish first. Um, if you consider average Joe Evan Marriott a prize.

During the two-hour series finale of Fox's Joe Millionaire last night, the undercover construction worker offered his heart to humble Zora, gave foot-fetish film star Sarah the boot and came clean to both ladies about his $50 million dollar lie.

Pulling a fast one on the female contestants paid off for Fox, the sneaky series was the highest rated entertainment show in the network's history, with an average of 34.6 million viewers, which beat the other three networks' combined totals (including NBC's Michael Jackson-minded Dateline special). A whopping 40 million people tuned in for the last hour to see who Marriott would ultimately choose as his reality-series soul mate.

To the end, the impostor kept viewers guessing as to which finalist would win the diamond ring: the substitute teacher who spends her spare time helping seniors (cue the wailing violins) or the bondage-minded blonde who didn't mind getting busy with him in the bushes?

And until she was finally escorted out of the chateau, even scheming Sarah underestimated the impact of Zora's subtle charms, at one point joking that the brunette acted like she'd fallen "off the turnip truck." The joke was on Sarah, as the heavy-equipment operator said so long to the "good time" girl, who seemed to care more about the money than good ol' Marriott, (an assessment he no doubt made in the hot tub, the bushes and his hotel room).

Instead, Marriott told Zora, "I've chosen you," then gave her the afternoon to consider whether she could overlook his multimillion-dollar charade.

After that, it was sugar, not a whole lot of spice and everything nice, as Zora forgave the phony millionaire for his less than princely bank balance, saying she "would like to continue the journey and see what happens." (C'mon people, this is a woman who plans to sell one of her sparkly necklaces to save a dying aunt in Yugoslavia.)

Fox gamely tried to maintain the tension to the end with its hints of a "shocking twist." The somewhat anticlimactic surprise was a $1 million check made out to the lucky couple. (For a network that prides itself on exploiting the world's scariest car crashes, killer bees, straying couples and Simon Cowell's acerbic wit, a million bucks wasn't quite the juicy twist we were hoping for.)

Then with Paul the butler standing by, Zora and Marriott celebrated with champagne and slobbery kisses.

Lest the evening prove too sappy, the producers brought meddling Melissa back to help Sarah pack and lend a sympathetic shoulder as the dissed duo trashed Marriott as "a big loser" without money and desperate Mojo.

Here's a quick recap of the evening's less than surprising turn of events:

First Fox offered up an apologetic Paul as public whipping boy for the 26.5 million peeved who tuned in last week hoping to learn which lucky lass Marriott would pick as a potential mate. Instead, viewers were subjected to an hour's worth of clips recapping the season.

Then the show revealed the Secrets of the Women of Joe Millionaire. Invariably, Mary's confession that she was a Hula-Hoop champ and Dana's admission that she had been homecoming queen paled in comparison to Sarah's kinky film past, which was briefly addressed by the bondage star, who expressed surprise that "it ended up being such a big production." (Gee, Sarah, we're just suckers for a gags-to-riches story.)

A montage of Heidi's less than friendly ways (hogging two ball gowns during the first episode) and the mutual dislike she provoked among the other contestants proved mildly interesting, as did her confession that she had her own Joe all along back home. Since returning from France, viewers were told that Heidi has shacked up with her pathologically tolerant boyfriend.

Finally, viewers got to hear from the proud parental units of Marriott and his blue collar friends, who testified that with Evan, what you see is what you get, (probably not a ringing endorsement for the shallow lad.)

Next Monday, Fox will continue to milk Joe for its millions of viewers. A final wrap-up episode titled Joe Millionaire: The Aftermath, which reunites Zora and Marriott Stateside, where they talk about love, fame and their future together. And if we're lucky, the spurned women of Millionaire will get a chance to air their beefs. Now that's a twist worth tuning in for.