Joe Francis: Why Me?

Joe Francis has plenty of time on his hands. And, apparently, plenty of Internet access.

Looking to get out of what he describes as his own personal Guantanamo, the Girls Gone Wild guru has launched a Website from the pokey outlining what he claims is the ridiculousness of the legal case against him and seeking to rally public support in the hopes of gaining his freedom.

"I'm sure that once you learn the story and understand the circumstances that brought me to this point, you'll be as outraged as I am," Francis writes in an email touting the launch Thursday of meetjoefrancis.com.

"The scariest thing [is]...that it could just as easily happen to you. I never expected my life to be a cautionary tale, but if revealing the truth behind my circumstances can help one other person avoid being grievously mishandled by the justice system, then it is worth telling."

The boob-happy mogul has been holed up in county jail in Reno, Nevada, since May, awaiting trial this fall on federal tax-evasion charges. But that's just the tip of his legal iceberg.

Francis is also facing six state felony charges in Panama City, Florida, for counts that include conspiracy, prostitution and filming minors in sexually explicit situations. Additionally, Los Angeles prosecutors have charged him with one misdemeanor count of sexual battery in a separate matter.

In all three criminal cases he's pleaded not guilty.

Normally, defendants in such matters would be able to post bail. However, a judge in Nevada has denied Francis bail in the tax case until he straightens out his bond matter in Florida. But Francis' attorneys have so far failed to convince officials in the Sunshine State to allow him to be freed on bond after he was charged with contempt of court for ticking off a judge in yet another case, this one a civil suit. The contempt charge resulted in an arrest warrant.

Ironically, even if he did make bail in Reno, because of the APB out on him in Florida, Nevada authorities would be required to take him into custody and extradite him.

Francis composed his online cri de coeur through a Web development program inside the Washoe County Detention Center.

"People have said a lot of colorful things about me, not all of which are true, and certainly not all of which are flattering," he writes. "One thing I do know for sure, for example, is that I’m not a criminal. It’s been my habit to either ignore personal attacks or laugh them off. But there is just too much misinformation out there about me, and I think it’s time to set the record straight."

The 34-year-old Santa Monica resident says that authorities have targeted him with trumped-up charges because of the in-your-face way he makes his living.

"It seems that my chief sins have been 1) having way too much fun and 2) having discovered a way to make money doing it," he continues. "I don’t apologize for what I’ve achieved in my life and how I’ve achieved it, and I’m happy to share what I’ve learned from it with you."

Francis' site also includes a 10-page missive detailing the various charges against him and why this camp feels he's in a constitutional black hole.

"Since it has been determined by the court in Florida that Francis is neither a flight risk nor a danger to the community, it is difficult to understand why he should be denied bail," the message reads. "It is not uncommon for people accused of committing far worse crimes than Francis has been charged with to be given bail in the same jurisdiction."

(Cough. O.J. Cough. Simpson.)

"It’s obvious Joe Francis is being punished prior to conviction of any offense," the site alleges. "Given how many of Joe Francis’ constitutional rights have been violated in this ordeal, why should any of us have any expectation that the constitutional rights supposedly afforded to us will be upheld?"

Natalie Collins, a spokeswoman for the U.S. Attorney's Office in Reno, did not return phone calls seeking comment.

It's worth noting that Francis' site states that a federal judge in Reno ordered him "freed from jail under bail" and, as a result, it wasn't the tax charges keeping him behind bars. Rather, Francis says he opted to remain in Reno voluntarily due to "Florida's unwillingness to issue bail in the case."

However, Collins contradicted Francis' statements. Speaking to E! Online in June, she said Francis did not have "a choice to bond out or not," since the Nevada judge said he wouldn't rule on any bail request until the Florida mess was sorted out.

Francis ended up in a Florida slammer in April, when U.S. District Judge Richard Smoak (whom Francis' camp has labeled a "judge gone wild") held Francis in contempt for failing to make a good-faith effort to settle a federal lawsuit brought by seven underage girls who claimed they were exploited in Girls Gone Wild videos.

After he did finally settle the matter, a federal grand jury in Reno indicted Francis for allegedly using off-shore accounts and funky bookkeeping to hide more than $15 million of his GGW revenue, as well as deducting $20 million in bogus expenses on two of his corporate returns.

Francis ultimate served 35 days on the contempt charge and instead of being released, a federal judge ordered him extradited to Nevada to be arraigned in the tax fraud case.

While locked up, Francis was also been named as a defendant in a sexual-harassment suit  by a former sales representative for his Mantra Films.

Legal quagmires aside, the Girls guy is still doing what he does best.

In a press release purportedly issued from the big house, Francis offered Vannesa Hudgens, the clothing-averse 18-year-old star of Disney Channel's High School Musical, $500,000 to "join the GGW brand and lifestyle."

"Hudgens is the classic girl next door gone wild. Being sexual is not a crime. She took a picture, it was leaked, and now it is time to move forward with her career," said Francis.

So far, Hudgens is sticking with Mickey and has shown no interest in going Wild.