Jay-Z, OutKast Wrap Up MTV VMAs

Jay-Z may have "99 Problems," but winning Moon Men ain't one.

The rapper, who claims to be retiring from hip-hop, got a fitting sendoff Sunday night at the 2004 MTV Video Music Awards winning four of the six categories he was nominated in: Best Rap Video, Best Direction, Best Editing and Best Cinematography.

Jay, real name Shawn Carter, even got a good luck gold watch, courtesy of Dave Chappelle and a Times Square vendor. Sniff.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

OutKast's Andre and Big Boi threatened to overtake Jay-Z's final (or not) farewell, tying him with four nods for their "Hey Ya!" clip, including the night's biggest prize, Video of the Year, along with Best Hip-Hop Video, Best Special Effects and Best Art Direction.

Also angling for Jay's mike was Usher, who won bookend Best Male and Best Dance Video trophies for "Yeah!" featuring Lil Jon and Ludacris. The night's only other multiple winner was No Doubt's "It's My Life" for Best Group and Best Pop Video.

While Usher failed to make it a threepeat, losing Best R&B Video to girlfriend Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You," the singer gave himself props for beating out Justin Timberlake's "Senorita" in the Best Male Video category. "I guess there ain't really no comparison between me and Justin no more right? There's no competition between me and Justin, I'm setting the record straight."

Of course, if they were had given out a Best Abs award, the Confessions singer would likely be a shoo-in for that too. Usher ripped off his shirt four minutes into the show performing under a rain shower, taking the title "most exposed artist of the evening."

And that was about as wild as it got. Because even as the celebration took place in Miami, a city J.Lo dubbed the steamiest and sexiest on the planet, the music network and its flunkies were on their best behavior, without any "wardrobe malfunctions" or same-sex smooches.

In fact, Britney Spears didn't even show this year, but then her single, "Toxic," failed to take any of the four categories it was nominated in.

Even Chappell kept it clean, despite joking that his appearance was MTV's "biggest mistake you made since Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl."

The comedian was just one of a group of presenters and announcers MTV tapped to move the show along, which resulted in a bizarre mix of personalities, such as Alexandra and Vanessa Kerry and Barbara and Jenna Bush each stumping for their fathers as part of the network's Choose or Lose campaign.

Also on hand, Ashley and fresh-from-rehab Mary-Kate Olsen, who thanked everyone for their support over the last few months, Olympic gold medalist Carly Patterson, a super skinny Shaquille O'Neal, Jon Stewart and the Reverend Al Sharpton, who pushed voting for the Viewer's Choice Award, which went to Linkin Park for "Breakin the Habit."

Meanwhile, Bruce Willis arrived at the awards show on P. Diddy's yacht, along with Mase and Naomi Campbell--boats beating limos as the preferred mode of transportation to the VMAs. And cameras caught Lopez watching the festivities while holding hands with Marc Anthony.

But back to the tunes. Music videos may seem to be a thing of the past on MTV but the network never fails to rock the house come awards time. Only 14 Moonmen were actually awarded during the three hours-plus ceremony, which was largely devoted to performances.

Ashlee Simpson kicked off the preshow with "Pieces of Me," while big sis Jessica sang "With You" in prime time--but lost Best Female Video to Beyoncé's "Naughty Girl." Kanye West got a little help on "Through the Wire" from Chaka Khan; Keys paired up with special guest Stevie Wonder for her hit "If I Ain't Got You"; and Christina Aguilera debuted her jazzy number, "Tilt Ya Head" with Nelly.

But the strangest musical collaboration had to be the cult-like Polyphonic Spree, a rock choir that performed in rainbow-colored smocks that almost made you miss Jackson's pierced nipple flash.

Here's a rundown of the 2004 VMA winners:

Video of the Year: OutKast, "Hey Ya!"
Best Male Video: Usher with Lil' Jon and Ludacris, "Yeah!"
Best Female Video: Beyoncé, "Naughty Girl"
Best Group Video: No Doubt, "It's My Life"
Best Rap Video: Jay-Z, "99 Problems"
Best R&B Video: Alicia Keyes, "If I Ain't Got You"
Best Hip-Hop Video: OutKast, "Hey Ya!"
Best Rock Video: Jet, "Are You Gonna Be My Girl"
Best Pop Video: No Doubt, "It's My Life"
Best Dance Video: Usher with Lil' Jon and Ludacris, "Yeah!"
Best New Artist in a Video: Maroon 5, "This Love"
Viewer?s Choice: Linkin Park, "Breakin the Habit"
MTV2 Award: Yellowcard, "Ocean Avenue"
Best Video Game Soundtrack: Tony Hawk's Underground, Activision