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Incomplete Top 10: High School Is Hell for Girls

The Bratz Movie Lionsgate

Bitchy princesses. Impossible-to-read guys. Mothers from another planet. Oh, the horrors that high school girls encounter! I'm excited to say we have another high school girls movie coming soon, Bratz. And it doesn't seem as completely inert and off base as John Tucker Must Die.

What better time to pick my Incomplete Top 10 "High School Is Hell for Girls" Movies?

You'll notice the list includes only nine. No, I didn't fry my brain in detention hall. I need you, my clique of readers, to finish off the list. Leave your picks for No. 10 in the Comments section. Here goes:

Sixteen Candles Universal Pictures

1. Sixteen CandlesLong Duk Dong. Jake Ryan. Grandma grabbing your boobies. Molly Ringwald's long face and exposed panties. Is this a predictable choice for No. 1? Yep. And I don't care. Nothing can touch the nuances and the neuroses of the daughter that family forgot.

The Breakfast Club Universal Pictures

2. The Breakfast Club:  There isn't anything remotely dated or '80s about the depth of character in this John Hughes classic. I put Club on the girls list because of the scene in which Molly Ringwald's prom queen gives Ally Sheedy's freak a makeover. Sheedy balks, "Why are you being so nice to me?" Ringwald reacts, "Because you're letting me." The boys may outnumber the girls in this small cast, but they sure as hell don't outshine or outmean them.

Mean Girls Paramount Pictures

3. Mean Girls:  Girls between the ages of 12 and 18 can be scarier than any onscreen villains, and writer Tina Fey just gets it. Plus, this is easily the best thing Lindsay Lohan ever did. We feel for the new girl, we feel for the popular girl (the ever sympathetic Rachel McAdams). Excellent casting, zippy pacing and authentic writing.

4. Smooth Talk:  It's an adaptation of my favorite Joyce Carol Oates short story, "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" And it's also the Laura Dern show, back in 1985, when she could play a smoldering teen. Mary Kay Place is the mother who just doesn't get it. Treat Williams is the dangerous older guy who teaches young Dern that she doesn't get it.

Mermaids Orion Pictures

5. Mermaids:  Okay,  I'm a weirdo in that I'll take Winona Ryder in Mermaids over Winona in Heathers any day. It's her impeccable voice-over, the way she drives her mother (Cher) to wield a knife, and the fact that she becomes convinced she is pregnant even though she's a virgin.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High Universal Pictures

6. Fast Times at Ridgemont High:  So, Cameron Crowe went undercover at a high school and posed as a student, arguably the best research any screenwriter ever pulled off. This movie could easily be on a list about high school boy movies, but it belongs here because Phoebe Cates' and Jennifer Jason Leigh's performances (and bathing suits and stinky jobs and stupid decisions) are proof that Crowe didn't just learn about high school, he learned about the female psyche.

Clueless Paramount Pictures

7. Clueless:  Here's why Amy Heckerling and Alicia Silverstone's blessed-out story makes the list—they took a rich ditz and made her relatable and real. Clueless celebrates all the wide-eyed naïveté that is so missing from most teen movies. Bless you, Cher!

Never Been Kissed 20th Century Fox Distribution

8. Never Been Kissed:  There are few movie experiences more cathartic than learning this through the eyes and awkward limbs of Drew Barrymore as she goes undercover in high school and discovers that you can't fake cool.

9. Carrie:  The best menstrual movie ever. We all knew a lost girl like Sissy Spacek and thanked God that no matter how weird we felt in our skin, we weren't as lost as she was. We just never imagined she had supernatural powers. Nice thing to give her, Stephen King.

10. What did I miss?  You tell me in the Comments section.

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