FIRST LOOK: The News in Brief, September 8, 2006

DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH: Looks like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie won't be making it official anytime soon. Pitt telling Esquire that he won't marry "until everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able." Funny--he didn't have such high morals the first time around, nor did Jolie the first two times around.

ALSO NOT GOING TO THE CHAPEL: Denise Richards and Richie Sambora denying a Life & Style report that they are engaged and calling the story "completely false and hurtful."

CLAIM CHECK: Lindsay Lohan's Hermès Birkin bag recovered by police after it was allegedly stolen from her luggage cart upon her arrival at London's Heathrow Airport. Police investigating whether the contents--valued at an estimated $1 million, per TMZ.com--were disturbed.

IN DA HOT SEAT: 50 Cent pulled over by police in his silver Lamborghini and cited for an expired parking permit and an unsafe lane change, TMZ.com reports. Way to up the street cred, Fiddy.

CANINE COMPLAINT: Police planning to meet with Claudia Schiffer to discuss complaints that her dogs are intimidating walkers near her country estate outside of London. Um, yeah, that's kind of what they're there for.

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER: Friday marking the 40th anniversary of the date the original Star Trek premiered on NBC.

LIKE A PRANK CALL: A 63-year-old priest confessing to phoning in a bomb threat to Madonna's concert in Amsterdam last week in an effort to stop the Material Girl from staging her mock-crucifixion scene. Authorities said the threat was easily traceable, as the priest used his home phone to make the call. Worst. Terrorist. Ever.

OSCAR LOVES ELLEN: Talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres tapped to host the 79th Academy Awards next year, becoming the third celebrity in a row known more for small-screen work to helm Hollywood's salute to motion pictures. If the telecast can pull in a couple of million viewers for every Emmy DeGeneres has won, the Academy should be pleased.

SAY WHAT?! "I was just really hungry and I wanted to have an In-N-Out burger."
--Paris Hilton to Ryan Seacrest, on the circumstances that led to her DUI arrest Thursday

FATHER-DAUGHTER BONDING: Lionel and Nicole Richie appearing on 20/20 Friday to discuss the ups and downs of their relationship over the years. Though they say they are close now, the Richies went through a rocky period back when Nicole had a heroin problem and Lionel was concerned she might die. Yeah, that'd do it.

CRIKEY STYLE: Australia honoring Steve Irwin by declaring Friday "Khaki Day" and urging citizens to dress in the TV star's signature duds. That's taking casual Friday to a whole new level.

ON TOP OF HER GAME: Katie Couric winning in the ratings again Wednesday night, when her interview with President George W. Bush drew 10.1 million viewers. However, the audience dropped from the 13.6 million viewers who tuned in for Suri Cruise's big reveal.

POOR SHOWING: Senate Democrats urging ABC to cancel a planned 9-11 miniseries that is critical of former President Bill Clinton, calling it a "work of fiction" and a "factually inaccurate and deeply misguided program." The film suggests that Clinton was too distracted by the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal to pay proper attention to the growing threat from Islamic militants. ABC defending the program and calling criticism premature.

SO WRONG: MGM planning to make Legally Blonde 3--minus Reese Witherspoon. Sacrilege, really.

IF YOU WANNA SING OUT: Yusuf Islam, aka the former Cat Stevens, releasing his first pop album in 28 years this fall. We're thinking he really should have struck back when the iron was hot two years ago.

UNDER THE COVERS: Pamela Anderson teaming with Bed Head to launch a new line of hair and skin care products for women who want to look like Pamela Anderson.

FROM UNDER THE SEA TO ONSTAGE: A musical interpretation of The Little Mermaid premiering in Denver next summer. What better place for an under-the-sea extravaganza?