Riccardo S. Savi/Getty ImagesCharlie Sheen, as you may have heard, is all about winning.
So, what does the scoreboard say? Is he really winning? Let's take it battle by battle.
Charlie Sheen vs. Alcoholics Anonymous: Sheen says AA isn't for him. AA says it isn't for everybody. Score: Draw.
Charlie Sheen vs. the Anti-Defamation League: The star sicced his powerhouse attorney on the group for labeling his "Chaim" dig at Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre as "borderline anti-Semitism." Today, the ADL said it would "refrain from making any further comment at this time." Score: Sheen.
Charlie Sheen vs. Boredom: On one hand, ennui drove him to party. On the other hand, partying kicked ennui's ass. Score: Draw.
Charlie Sheen vs. CBS: Whether it's airing new shows or reruns, Two and a Half Men's a money machine. Score: Win-win! Point for each side.
Charlie Sheen vs. Chuck Lorre: By making the media rounds, Sheen is making a fairly compelling public case that he could be back working in front of the cameras since, well, there he is, working in front of the cameras.
"He made some incredible points [on Piers Morgan], and if his statements are true," entertainment publicist Brian Mayes told us in an email, "CBS and Chuck Lorre will have some tough questions to answer."
By holding his fire while Sheen talks and talks...and...talks, Lorre is making a fairly compelling public case that he's the sane one, although to be honest, Monday's vanity card on Mike & Molly kinda lost us—and not just because it was on Mike & Molly. Score: Draw.
Charlie Sheen vs. Cigarettes: Sure, the rehab-eschewer "blinked and cured [his] brain," but not when it came to the cancer sticks. They're still welcome at Sober Valley Lodge. Score: Cigarettes.
Charlie Sheen vs. Drugs: He says he's peeing clean, and he is sounding less like Gadhafi as the days (and interviews) go by. So, for now, for as long as it takes us to type this sentence, and no longer, we'll say he's winning. Score: Sheen.
Charlie Sheen vs. Dr. Drew: "To have a prognosis about somebody you've never been in the same room with…?" the actor said of the ever-talking-head on Piers Morgan. "I think he should be ashamed of himself." Yup. Score: Sheen.
Charlie Sheen vs. John Stamos: Stamos isn't out of line for listening to CBS' Les Moonves about becoming a Two and a Half Men man. (His tweet, however, about how Martin Sheen wanted to call him son was.)
But Sheen isn't wrong—and is, in fact, right—when he says people, meaning Two and a Half Men fans, "would revolt" if he were replaced by the Glee dentist. Only Sheen, after all, can play the PG-13-rated version of himself. Score: Sheen.
Charlie Sheen vs. His Publicist: Poor guy that Stan Rosenfield. He's got to win sometime. How about now? Score: Publicist.
And the final score is…
Sheen: Five wins, three draws and two losses.
The World: Five losses, three draws and two wins.
So, yes, it's official, Sheen is winning!
For now.
"Even if he is loved, if he cannot get a job because he has angered too many studio executives," PR heavyweight Ronn Torossian said via email, "he will be on the celebrity reality-circuit soon enough."
Sheen of Love? Sounds pretty winning to us!