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Caroline's Casting Couch: Predictable Edition

Wed., Jun. 27, 2007 4:52 PM PDT by Caroline Kepnes

George Pimentel/WireImage.com

This isn't news. This is news so humdrum I could have made it up in a fictional version of the Couch. But it's happening. So here it is!

Sandra Bullock to Make Another Horrible Movie: Oh, Sandy, no. You are so freaking charismatic. The stuff you're making lately is so watery and mopey that when I watch Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood I want to record it on my VCR and send you a copy, so that maybe you'll remember what you're best at.

Anyway, her new movie is called All About Steve. On board to save this motion picture with some serious acting cred is Thomas Haden Church. Sandy plays a brilliant crossword puzzle maker—wtf?—who becomes obsessed with Church's CNN cameraman and chases him all around.

Reverse those parts, and maybe we'd have something fun. But this sounds schlocky and absurd.

Denise Truscello/WireImage.com

Randall Batinkoff + Lifetime Television for Women = Invisible: Everyone and their gazillionaire producing partner have tried to take Hugh Hefner's life to the big screen. Variety now reports that Brett Ratner will be the man for the job. Brian Grazer will produce. The article goes on about what a long process this has been, with this one and that one failing to capture the essentials of Hugh's story. Ratner even made his first trip to the Playboy mansion to seal the deal.

How the hell Brett Ratner has never been to the mansion is beyond me, and something I will investigate the next time I run into Corey Feldman, who gave me a great tour on my first visit, but never mind.

What really irks my bunny ears is this fact: Randall Batinkoff, so good in so many '90s movies, so ignored for the rest of time, played The Hef in Hefner: Unauthorized, a 1999 USA TV movie that was based on the unauthorized biography. I, for one extremely lonely one, adored the movie and have seen it several times on the Lifetime.

So Brett, you might want to check it out. Okay? Okay.

Lorey Sebastian/Touchtone Pictures

Matt Dillon to (Verbally) Whip John Travolta: Wild Hogs director Walt Becker comes back at us with Old Dogs. We already knew that Robin Williams and John Travolta are set to ham it up as two guys mistaken for gay lovers. Now we know Matt Dillon will get in on the action as well.

Um, can we say flagrant attempt to give women a reason to go see this? I love it. I love how flat-out clear the goal is. Nicely done, in all seriousness.