Bitch-Back! Worried About Rihanna
Eastside Ink
Dear Ted:
The new tattoo that Rihanna has? A gun under her right arm. That girl is very troubled and needs help. Too, too sad.
—Miss P, Boston
Dear Gun-Totin' Gal:
Agree with ya, babe. A deadly weapon helps nobody, even in tattoo form.
Dear Ted:
Rachel Maddow's smart and charismatic but Jimmy Fallon's barely holding his own. Is he a closet right-winger? WTF?
—Jen, Chicago
Dear Onto Something:
With that hair? Probably.
Dear Ted:
Why are all Americans bad to stars, and why are Americans so mean?
—Faye
Dear American Meanie:
Ever think you're just too sensitive?
Dear Ted:
Nikki Reed is the one "really hurting" and "desperately" wanting Catherine Hardwicke back because without her sugar mama directing, her fat ass isn't going to get barely any screen time in New Moon. She's just plain awful.
—Kat
Dear Reeling Over Reed:
Nik's acting chops aren't exactly Oscar material, but the gal def doesn't have a large derriere—looks like someone's bitter that they're not sharing screen time with Pattinson.
Dear Ted:
Please make John Mayer go away. He is disgusting and I'm talking about his big mouth and mankini. I just don't see what anyone sees in him. He's scum!
—dees_shoes
Dear Jessica Simpson:
Get over it already.
Dear Ted:
After reading your post about "Liquored-Up Lance" I have one thing to say—since when did it become OK to go online and post uneducated, profanity-laced tirades against the blogger, rather than something coherent and polite about the article? I was absolutely disgusted by the number of people who posted nasty insults that were better suited for Perez's comments section. For instance, "Mike" (who is clearly a modern wordsmith) took two whole minutes out of his day to pen such beauties as "Ted, you are a (sic) asshole," and "Who is Ted Casablanca ? A (sic) asshole loser, that's who."
—Miss Manners
Dear Eloquent:
Gee, thanks for the defense, babe (I'm cool, though, truly), but you kind of remind me of my hubby's ex, who likes to repeat to us gossip others are saying about us, and he just thinks it's awful. Yeah, right.
Dear Ted:
I just heard the rumors today about Sean Penn and Natalie Portman. Please say it ain't so, Ted? I think Sean comes off as terribly skeazy and I've always loved Natalie. She has to be able to do better than a jerky married man, right? Right?
—Perturbed About Portman
Dear No, Natalie, No!
Nat's sunk much lower than Penn in her past. And jeez, Nat today, Lindsay yesterday—ain't Seanie supposed to still be married to Robin Wright? Hmmm...
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