Bitch-Back! Let Jen Aniston Be

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Dear Ted:
People are saying Chris Brown's career is over because of his dustup with Rihanna. Can it end hers if she goes back to him?
—Julie in SF

Dear Both Ways:
Absolutely. Part of me says it should, as that would send just a heinous message to abused women. But it's her life, not ours.

Dear Ted:
As an Ohio University student and, usually, a Matt Lauer fan, I'm disgusted at the treatment poor Michael Phelps is receiving. I myself have never smoked pot, but I feel like I am far from the norm in the general public. When will the news media just admit that most people, including themselves, have smoked pot at least once in their life and it's not nearly as horrible and uncommon as it's made out to be?
—Daisy

Dear Hazy Masses:
You totally got me, babe. It's practically legal here on the liberal coast. 

Dear Ted:
Re: Morning Piss—Aniston and Vaughn broke up, remember, so did Aniston and Pitt. Everyone has moved on but bloggers, tabloids and mentally void individuals, so sniff the reality and everybody move on, pay attention to the global situation and the reality of your lives, volunteer at a food bank, a seniors' home, a homeless shelter. I expected better from you, Ted. Dragging up an old romance? Got to go, I'm a volunteer at a nonprofit.
—Folks, Get lives

Dear Do-Gooder:
Is this the (hopeful) future Mrs. Vaughn?

Dear Ted:
Does anyone else smell Prince of Persia box-office disaster? Who's advising Jakey on his roles?
—Tarquinius

Dear POP Off:
Considering I've been told Jake's voice sounds like "a high-pitched woman" when he tries to pull off the accent, I would say yes. But let's wait and see.

Dear Ted:
We haven't heard about Crotch Uh-Lastic in a while. What's been going on with him?
—Danrads

Dear Wet 'n' Tame:
He's busying studying how best to be bad—again. 

Dear Ted:
Is Vince Vaughn's engagement real or is it just a "PR" stunt to put him back in the "spotlight"? He did not get a lot of press for his flick with Reese.
—Danielle Dearborn, MI

Dear Four Weddings:
If it was, it still didn't get him much more than one blog post, did it? 

Dear Ted:
I don't hate Reese Witherspoon. I don't go into the comments sections of gossip sites and call her names or denigrate her talent. I wish her well, I really do. But she is surely pissing me off. Just when her ex has a new movie in release she gets into interview mode and starts yakking about how traumatic her divorce was. So she fills the Internet search engines with her name if you look up his name. Just had to say it.
—Patricia

Dear Paranoid:
We told you this broad was crafty, sure, but she's not deranged.

Dear Ted:
Is it me or does Kanye West seem like a lost kid who needs to find his way again? I don't know, but he seems like he never quite handled some inner demons?
—Dnnro 

Dear Stretch Pant:
And never will.

Dear Ted:
Hey Ted! I've loved your column for years—keep up the ace reporting! My question regards Aniston: Why does she act like a doormat all the time? She keeps saying she's happy, she doesn't define herself by men, but then she comes across as very nervous in TV interviews, keeps praising her cheating ex-husband, and lets Mayer get away with saying he dumped her, rather than it being the other way around, or as a mutual decision.
—Kelly

Dear Dating Reconstruction:
Her arch-nemesis, Angelina, she is not. And that's exactly why I like her. A lot.