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Could Whitney Houston Have Been Saved?

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Hey, where has Jennifer Aniston been?

Wed., Dec. 26, 2007 5:18 PM PST by Leslie Gornstein

Where is Jennifer Aniston these days? Feels like you never hear anything about her anymore.
—Paula, Laurens, South Carolina

The B!tch Replies: Really? Funny, because I've found that my mild to moderate depression has subsided since Ms. Aniston has stopped appearing on every weekly magazine cover. And oh, she has EIGHT movies in the pipeline, so you'll be seeing another clunker from her eventually. And speaking of inevitabilities, my handy calendar says it's time for another Lightning Round. As in...

How does Britney Spears keep getting away with defying court orders? Is it because she's a wealthy celebrity, or is the U.S. court system so laid back that any of us could use her lame excuses?
—M.P., Baltimore

Well, if you were a member of Britney's never-ending parade of lawyers, you'd argue that she's a pop star with a number one album, and so she doesn't have to follow the rules. And yes, one of her lawyers really did argue that in court.

I don't have a question for you. I just wanted to thank you for commenting on the way Bianca and Saleisha treated Heather on America's Next Top Model. I honestly thought it was disgusting and that neither of them deserved to win because they were obviously horrible people. I hadn't seen the issue brought up anywhere, and I'm glad you mentioned it.
—Amanda, Fair Lawn, New Jersey

Whatever—as long as your discrimination against horrible people doesn't extend to columnists.

Why does the Industry make such a big deal over how much a movie makes? The prices go up each year, and there are more people on the earth, so why shouldn't the first weekend totals continue to increase? Thanks, B!tch!
—Candy, San Jose, California

They should. But expectations from analysts also continue to go up. It's like inflation, but with pictures and popcorn. In fairness, the numbers are also used to decide which stars and studio executives get raises in pay. They're also used as a general indicator on the health of the business.

What is it supposed to mean to us when a movie is advertised as having the same producer as a past successful movie?
—Veronica, Fort Wayne, Indiana

Means they couldn't get the same director as the first flick, but hey, the guys who hired that director would still like your money!

Why did Jessica Alba say she's pregnant? Is she looking for attention because her last two movies bombed?
—Shelley, Niagara Falls, New York

Could be that, or it could be because she IS pregnant.

Now, you'll excuse me. I feel a sadness coming on.