Does David Spade give celebs a heads-up before teasing them?

By: Carrie, New Orleans

A.B. Replies: Let's just put on our Imagineer's caps for a second and think this through.

[Ring, ring.]

"Hi, Fergie? It's David Spade...No, Spade."

Fergie: "Who? You sound like a mosquito. Like, mosquitoes can talk now--righteous. I should so write a song about that. Hold on. Lemme wake up my producer."

Spade: "Hey, okay, so, listen, I--"

Fergie [to someone in the background]: "Polow, get up. Like, find me a raunchy beat that goes good with a mosquito."

[Another voice in the background]: "Wha'? Why you wakin' Polow the Don?"

Spade: "Fergie? You there? So, I was going to make this joke on my show today about how your nether regions are a portal to hell, and I was just calling to let...hello?"

If comedians did this every time they slammed Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Madonna, they would spend all their time on the phone and the jokes would never be aired. So, the answer is, in most cases, no.

An official denial from Camp Spade: "I checked with our executives on The Showbiz Show with David Spade," a Comedy Central contact tells this B!tch, "and they said David doesn't give the celebs a heads-up about the jokes and that everyone is fair game."

This B!tch also reached out to Bravo, home of Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List. And--what ho!--the comic herself reached right back, saying she'll be mean, but not if the target's in the house. "My policy is, never talk about anyone who is in the audience, because I never would want them to feel bad," she said. "I was raised to talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners. But yes, I'm scared of Oprah. Have you met her? She's f--king scary."

Beyond that, Griffin often talks about what happens when she runs into the stars she has skewered and how those encounters can be awkward. That wouldn't make a heaping ton of sense if she had given the stars a heads-up before the aforementioned kebabing. Additionally, it's probably a little tougher to get "banned from The View"--Griffin's own words--if you've cleared your "beard" jokes with Star Jones Reynolds beforehand.

In fact, it seems even people who work together on the same show may not get a heads-up about potentially offensive material. Especially if that show is by Matt Stone and Trey Parker and it involves animated cutouts of pumpkin-headed children. Before he decided to quit South Park over its much ballyhooed Tom Cruise-Scientology episode, Isaac Hayes ("Chef") did a CNN interview in which he seemed pretty clueless about the details.

Hayes told Showbiz Tonight, he "didn't see" the "Trapped in the Closet" episode but "was told about it." Presumably, Hayes was not "told" about the episode in detail or he would not have added, "But they lampoon everybody. And if you believe them, you got a problem. Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?"

This B!tch can only assume that Hayes learned the details of the episode later; it's the only way to explain why he performed a flip so drastic he went from supporter to deserter practically overnight. Once details of "Trapped in the Closet" were aired by every fusty old TV columnist in America, Hayes decided he was shocked, just shocked and left the show so quickly you'd think Xenu was chasing him in a flying car.

And no, I did not call Xenu and warn him I would write that. I'll just wait for the court summons to arrive at my front door.