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Could Whitney Houston Have Been Saved?
- And other great mysteries of Hollywood, beheaded for your pleasure in our weekly podcast!
Does Uggie the Dog Ever Have to Work Again?
- And other great mysteries of Hollywood, beheaded for your pleasure in our weekly podcast!
Does Jim Carrey's Daughter Have an Edge on Idol?
- And other great mysteries of Hollywood, beheaded for your pleasure in our weekly podcast!
Could Brad Pitt Wear Jeans and a T-shirt to the Oscars?
- And other great mysteries of Hollywood, beheaded for your pleasure in our weekly podcast!
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Britney Spears: Please discuss...
Britney Spears. Please discuss.
—Bill, Los Angeles
The B!tch Replies: Gladly. Behold, an all-Britney Lightning Round...
Do you think Britney Spears gets paid by Starbucks to promote their products?
—Anna, Washington, D.C.
No. In fact, I am fairly certain Starbucks would pay to ensure that Britney never appears in any of their bazillion locations ever again.
Who managed to keep Tom Cruise away from "helping" Britney? After all, his views on psychiatric care are legendary!
—Julia, Berlin, Germany
Britney falls under the category of trainwreck and, even during the most feverish points of that leaked Scientology promotion video—where Cruise declared himself and his fellow Hubbardites the authority on getting people off drugs and the authority on the mind and the people who can rehabilitate criminals and unite cultures and bring about peace—he never once said anything about trains.
Really. Sometimes I don't know where you people get these ideas.
For the record, both Tom's rep and the Church of Scientology tell this B!tch that neither party has reached out to the Britster.
Why is Kevin Federline so uninvolved in Britney's life? After all, they were married and have two young children together, so he should step into her life to help her get better, right?
—Kaitlin, Atlanta
By your logic, Tom Cruise should be headed to Australia to help Nicole Kidman push out Keith Urban's baby. I'm sure Tom is flying his own plane to the birthing. He's a man of action like that.
When will this Britney drama end? Don't you think we should give her a break? If we do, she's more likely to recover.
—Tori, Irwin, Pennsylvania
If media coverage were in any way relatable to celebrity mental health, then Nicole Richie and Miley Cyrus would be full-time padded-cell denizens by now. Sorry, I just don't buy it.
And lest you be going down for the third time from Britney overload, I throw in a puzzler on someone else who leaves us wondering...
Now that you've had a pinched nerve, do you have any more compassion for Paula Abdul? She has had 14 surgeries, a steel plate inserted into her neck and partial paralysis. Your pinched nerve is a hangnail compared to her amputated arm.
—Daphne, Chambersburg, Pennsylvania
I challenge your diagnosis, good madam. I saw her leaping about during that Super Bowl preshow, and she clearly had two arms. Your attempt at deceit has fallen flatter than Gwen Stefani during her Tragic Kingdom years.
- NEXT QUESTION: Grammys stumpers solved!
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