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Anna Nicole Ripped from Still-Coming Headlines
The easiest part about ripping the Anna Nicole Smith saga from the headlines: There are plenty of headlines to choose from.
NBC has confirmed to E! News that an upcoming episode of on-the-bubble procedural Law & Order: Criminal Intent will indeed feature the greatest (tabloid) story ever told.
If this doesn't save the franchise, nothing will.
While which particular part of the Smith saga Dick Wolf & Co. plan to dramatize—be it the early Playmate days, the spaced-out reality TV days, the hyperactive diet pill days, the last days or the baby-daddy battling days—remains under wraps, a leading lady has already signed on to channel the larger than life persona as best she can.
Kristy Swanson, who originated the role of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the big screen before Sarah Michelle Gellar was even a glint in the WB's eye, will play Smith's small-screen alter ego. Arrested Development's David Cross has been cast as "Howard K Sternish" character, per a show publicist.
Not unlike Smith, Swanson has some personal experience with the tabloids.
Last year, she earned her share of media play after competing in, and ultimately winning, Fox's Skating with Celebrities. During the show, Swanson carried on an affair with her then married skating partner, Lloyd Eisler, whose wife at the time was expecting their second child. Eisler subsequently filed for divorce and he and Swanson welcomed their first child, son Magnus, last month.
The episode is expected to air during May sweeps, though, according to Fox News' Roger Friedman, the procedural's producers are taking full advantage of their artistic license, completely cutting out one of saga's more intriguing costars: Larry Birkhead.
Per Friedman, producers are also toying with the idea of morphing Smith's estranged mother, Virgie Arthur, with that of her sister, Donna Hanover, into a composite character. However, NBC has refused comment on the finer plot points of the episode.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, Birkhead returned to Los Angeles Superior Court more than six months after the birth of Dannielynn in an attempt to once and for all clear up the question of paternity.
Birkhead and sound bite-ready lawyer Debra Opri requested that Judge Robert Schnider order Howard K. Stern back to the state of California to submit to a DNA test.
"Put up or shut up, that's what we're asking for," Opri said after the brief hearing.
While Schnider won't rule on the paternity action for two weeks, during which time he said he will review his jurisdiction and the terms of the case more closely, Birkhead already seems to smell victory.
"I've been putting a nursery together, so I'm smiling," he said outside the court. "I'm in a good mood."
Meanwhile, friends and family of the late Smith, who died Feb. 8 from still unknown causes, may not be the only ones attempting to cash in on her legacy.
One of Smith's former bodyguards, the aptly nicknamed "The Bodyguard" William Castleberry, and Eric Redding, Smith's former manager and the man who credits himself with discovering Smith in a Texas strip club, have partnered up with the Website UniversalRarities.com to auction off diary entries and other personal memorabilia belonging to the late model.
Purportedly included in the diary, which the trio has dubbed "one of the most exciting finds of the 21st century," are receipts, canceled personal checks, Smith's expired Texas driver's license, and the promise of answers to such age-old questions as: Who was Anna Nicole's best lover?
The eBay-hosted auction kicked off on Monday and runs through Mar. 22.
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