American Idol: Paula Throws the Book at Simon

All it took to rev up the Simon and Paula bitchery engine last night was legally blind Idol hopeful Scott MacIntyre's less-than-visionary rendition of the Motor City classic "You Can't Hurry Love," and what an insightful display it was.

Apparently Abdul travels with a box of crayons and multiple coloring books (perhaps to fend off the boredom of listening to Randy Jackson's repetitive dog, dude and man?), and the preschool time killers came in handy to emphasize just how childish Simon was being in his badgering of Paula and Scott. Who, of course, could see none of the nasty action; thank god Ryan Seacrest was on hand to translate the visuals.

But even charitable Ryan likes to have fun. When Scott mentioned his own pink pants, Mr. Tact Seacrest asked the question on America's lips: "How do you know they're pink?"