Stitch Not in Time

Is mouthy Model mama Tyra Banks making things even worse for herself by protesting too much? Well, Mischa Barton sure as hell is pulling somethin’ miserable for herself, fashionably speaking, of course. Find out all the painful deets! Catch that press release from Tyra Banks 'bout Britney? You know, the one about how Ms. B and Brit-Brit are friends and Tyra-love would never go hatin’ on girlfriend? Didn’t see? It read: "Britney is a friend and we correspond with each other. These alleged statements are completely false."

The above defense, 'course, was in direct response (though they didn’t say so, natch) to our bombshell quotes last week from folks who insist they heard, firsthand, Banks saying Britney should just “go ahead” and commit suicide so she can “go out like Marilyn, very grand,” among other choice thoughts. 

When confronted with the Tyra release, one of our original Banks-witnesses replied: “Lies, lies, lies.”

These sources (did you see the plural on that noun, as more than one peep say they heard Tyra sling the Spears insults?) are dead certain regarding what they heard. They were “appalled,” to put it mildly. 

And Tyra, dear, these ear-and-eye witnesses also tell us more of them exist. Like, several folks, it would seem, heard you say these heinous words about Britney. It was at a Top Model event darling, ring a bell? The execs present laughed at your brilliant acerbic observations 'bout B.S. Lower-level professionals, for the shocked record, were absolutely “disgusted,” they tell us. Coming back to ya about now, T.B.? 

And we will continue culling from their unpleasant memories as long as you take this press-release 'tude—instead of, say, pickin’ up the friggin’ phone and calling, like when we contacted you in the first place.

Oh, and Ms. B, what does your God-girlfriend, Oprah, think of such a mess, we wonder? Look, we can certainly be bitches here at AT. But we’re talkin’ about somebody’s life here. Are morbid thoughts like this really any way to help heal the world via boob-tube talk feel-good stuff?  And if you were going to jinx somebody dead, why couldn’t it be Ann Coulter, already? Far happier thoughts are all about the Golden Globes, right? After all, awards season is coming faster than bad-hair-weave types bitch out other bad-hair-weave types! Yep, G2 noms were announced, with some surprises and some not so shocking names. Here are some beginning bits on the competition: Cate Blanchett for I’m Not There and Elizabeth: The Golden Age: We told you ages ago this blond babe would get nods for both her performances. But look for I’m Not There to be the Oscar owner’s biggest shot at snagging a GG statue. Elizabeth is losing steam. Keira Knightley for Atonement: Nice that she’s nominated, but don’t hold your breath, babydoll. As they say, it’s the nomination that’s your win, hon-pie.
Viggo Mortensen for Eastern Promises: This guy gets our vote alone just for dropping trou and daring to do a full frontal in the flick. Give the damn thing to him for showin’ off his own globes, already! Like, what other dudes in this shriveled, scaredy-cat town have that kinda nerve? Ryan Gosling for Lars and the Real Girl: He’s probably celebrating with a grilled cheese. Who’s laughing now, Peter Jackson? We don’t think he’ll actually win, but it’s nice that the talented Mr. G got some accolades after the whole nasty Lovely Bones sitch. Jodie Foster for The Brave One: We hear the movie was a total turkey (only one we didn’t catch, very sorry), but we kinda want her to win, just to see if she’ll thank her special friend, Cydney Bernard, again at the podium like she did at the Women in Entertainment breakfast a few weeks ago. It’s one thing to do in it a conference room, quite another when you’re on live TV and on small screens across the country, trust. Game, Jodie-love?

Oh, and even though Grey’s was nominated for best drama series, Katherine Heigl has already said she won’t cross picket lines for the ceremony if the writers' strike is still going strong. Maybe she’ll spend Jan. 13 at S Bar instead? Katie was spotted having a drink at the new Hollywood Boulevard hang Tuesday night, while Kevin Connolly was also in the house.   

Oh, what are we saying? That babe’s already drunk on her own ego elixir, clearly.

A gal who never has trouble with hiding her happy would be Eva Mendes, who just hit Ef-Hell-Ay to plug her calendar, among other starry occurrences. While partying her sweet 'n’ ample tush off, E.M. told our amigo, film writer Martin Haro, that she was “dying” to pull off a lead role like that of the Edith Piaf biopic, La Vie en Rose, starring Marion Cotillard. Well, then, dear, no more stupid-ola Wilson brothers pics for you!

More up Eva-love’s salacious alley (which I’ve observed sweaty, up close and personal, as we used to share the same gym and resulting, uh, equipment) was her role in The Women, which E.L. just completed.

Eva plays the Joan Crawford seductress role in the remake of the all-girl catfight comedy. Eva darling informs us that she made the J.C. part “different,” and that she was “trying to make her a little funny, because women now are more aware, just funnier now."

Dunno about that. Crawford clawing (and sleeping) her way to the Oscar-winning top is far more amusing to conjure up than somebody like, say, Julia Roberts actually earning it. Boring!