Mating, Baiting and Waiting!

The at-capacity PlayStation party shows who's who in the Tinseltown rundown. Which hotties were left out in the cold? Speaking of chill factors, the newly single K-Fed blows through the Windy City and underwhelms women everywhere with his cheesy come-ons.  At least TomKat's wedding will be somewhat more mouthwatering, if a certain H'wood twosome shows up!

 

Oh, thank gawd. Remember last week, when I pathetically turned to Reichen 'n' Lance to try and get some happy-happy romance dish going, what with all these breakups going down in H-town? Well, they were about as amour-ready as my WASPy grandparents—wasn't happening. Howevah, in to save the va-va-voom love day are Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, who, according to a well-placed rice-throwing type, are jetting over Italy-way to attend the rumored late-November nuptials of one Tommy Cruise and Katie Holmes, otherwise known (endearingly to no one I know) as TomKat.

Look, everybody has smelled by now I ain't exactly jumping on Oprah's sofa over this marriage—can't think why. But Jim 'n' Tom happen to be veddy good buddies, so if J.C.'s takin' Jenny-hon to the big ceremony, you know it's serious between the bubbly comics.

 Are congrats in order, you unrestrained two?

Oh, not to beat a homo horse when he's (apparently) down or anything, but remember Reichen's account in his book Here's What We'll Say (I'm sure it's on your nightstand or next to the toilet, right?) about his rompings with Lance? "We went at each other like two dogs that hadn't been fed in weeks," he wrote.
 
Jeez, Rei, is the animalistic honeymoon over so soon?

The PlayStation 3 launch party Wednesday night in Bev Hills brought all the usual suspects out to romp. And while it was just supposed to be a bitchin' bash where everyone hung and hobnobbed, the do inadvertently turned into a case study in Hollywood hierarchy.

See, the overcrowded carpet was complete chaos, so I headed for the entrance, along with Katharine McPhee, who said she came out for the free PS3. Not for herself, she claimed, but for the family she'd adopted for Christmas. "I mean, how cool would that be? To get a PlayStation for Christmas?" she asked, all adorable.
 
Little did she know that it was about to get ugly, when two dreaded phrases were uttered by the pissy powers that be: "fire marshal" and "over capacity."
 
At a Tinseltown fete, those words are the ultimate buzz kill, trust. 'Cause it means the big cheeses are in the building and that no one (supposedly) can go inside until other peeps leave.
 
So, if you're curious about who's got the biggest bash brawn in this grasping enclave, read on and see who did—and who didn't—have to wait, per those pesky city ordinances:

1. Lindsay Lohan. Wait time: nada
Evidently not being a party girl, as she proclaimed to Oprah, is powerful stuff, cause L.L. and her entourage breezed by the scary security, publicists and throngs of people waiting outside.

2. Paris Hilton. Wait time: 30 seconds
Paris arrived alone and was yakkin' on her Sidekick as she opened the venue door herself and tried to sail inside, unsuccessfully. A guard already inside stopped Ms. H. and blocked her entrance. Paris debated with him for all of 20 seconds before a publicist pulled her in and brushed off said security dude.

 

3. Nicole Richie. Wait time: 10 minutes
Nic-doll, with her newly darkened 'do, arrived with a party posse and was ushered toward the front. But she still had to sit around and wait a good 10 minutes before she got inside. The tiny gal looked less than thrilled, but no tantrums were thrown, and she texted on her Sidekick to pass the time.

 

4. Katharine McPhee. Wait time: 15 minutes
The poor gal was there waiting before P. and Nic came, and got in long after they'd already sashayed inside. The singer was visibly upset but didn't pull any diva-like behavior—besides brooding, which is perfectly acceptable. She did eventually get in, so here's hoping she got that PS3!

5. Donald Faison and Cacee Cobb. Wait time: 20 minutes
This dubious duo, who are way coupley lately, evidently don't equal enough star power together to avoid being left out in the cold for almost half an hour. I bet things woulda been different if Cacee brought Jessica Simpson with her. Was that bitchy of me to add?

6. Kim Kardashian. Wait time: 25 minutes
Sorry, Kim, but being an FOP (friend of Paris) only gets you VIP treatment when you're actually with her. When Kay-Kay finally got inside, she was boogeying down at Lindsay's table anyway, so maybe she and P. are on the outs?

7. Media types, myself included. Wait time: 30 minutes
Quelle horreur! Can you believe yours truly and all the other inky types from OK!, Life & Style, Star and In Touch sat around for half an hour? My gawd, I get that you gotta let Paris into your bash pronto, but Kim Kardashian over all of us? Yech.

8. The Carter clan, sans Nick. Wait time: ???
My party pal, Amy Paffrath, who had to wait outside for a bit after I got in, said that Aaron and his sisters were still stuck waiting around to enter the promised party when she finally got the go-ahead. I'm sure the sibs were ushered in forthwith.
 
Once inside, the scene was a bit anticlimactic. I mean it was fun, but not worth this freakin' fuss. Fete was held in the abandoned Robinsons-May building, done up like an old-school department store—with Baby, Travel and Beauty sections—but gratis goodies were long gone. So sad.

Also inside: David Arquette, without Courteney yet again; Owen Wilson, the Butterscotch Stallion, makin' a beeline for the bar; and newly divorced Chris Rock, observing Diddy's performance. The crowd seemed a bit underwhelmed by the Didster, and the dance floor cleared out before he was even finished on stage.
 
Sorta reminds me of the following:

K-Fed, the about-to-be-excised Britney Spears growth, just gave a concert in Chicago. After-party at Cabaret. 
 
Desk Chi-Town, in attendance, reported that a "very short" K-Fed came on around 9 p.m., sang one song, then announced to the crowd, "I love you ladies, y'all know that I'm about to be a free man, right?" The Fed-Freak was all over the gals in the crowd, blurting the likes of, "I love Chicago. Chicago's got some sexy ladies. I love sexy ladies." 
 
Now, as a fruit, I don't really understand all this hetero come-hither stuff (however transparently butched up it may be), but, gals, I gotta ask you: The above nonsense you actually find seductive?

Best part of the evening was when a Kevin fan accosted a Britney fan in line. The Britney fan (a male) was telling the Kevin fan (a female) that Kevin has done nothing with his life and is living off Brit's money and fame. So, the Kevin fan said, "Kevin's had his [male reproductive organ] in Britney—what have you done?"
 
The only thing grosser than said exchange is, clearly, what we're all about to witness: Team Kevin versus Team Britney.
 
Shoot me now, please.