College Road Trip

John Clifford/ Disney Enterprises Inc.

Review in a Hurry:  Holy MapQuest, this tedious Trip is one wrong turn after another. Broader-than-broad comedian Martin Lawrence stars as an overprotective dad who drives his daughter (Raven-Symoné) 700 miles to Georgetown University for an admissions interview. The movie's tagline reads, "They can't get there fast enough." You'll be thinking the same thing.

The Bigger Picture:  It's the rare flick that makes Wild Hogs look subtle. And yet here we are, with Lawrence hitting the road again—this time as Chicago cop James Porter—and exceeding all Mugging Limits. Control-freak James wants his 17-year-old daughter, Melanie (Raven-Symoné), to attend nearby Northwestern, so when she plans a "girls only" road trip to Washington, D.C. to check out other universities, he insists on escorting her instead—in a police cruiser.

Once on the road, James discovers they have stowaways—his young brainiac son, Trey (Eshaya Draper) and a potbelly porker pal named Albert, with whom the Freud-quoting boy plays chess. No, really.

Oh the hijinks and hilarity that follow! The fam hops planes, trains and automobiles to get to D.C. Wait, there's no train, but they do take a tour bus, mostly so Raven-Symoné can break into a karaoke version of "Double Dutch Bus"—no doubt to please fans of her Disney Channel show. Apparently, it's also so Raven for the actress to punch her every reaction with a smirk and/or arched eyebrow.

Director Roger Kumble tries to mask the script's countless problems by pitching everything at a hypermanic level. There's not one character who behaves like a real person, and the amped-up actors—seemingly as wired as that caffeinated pig—tone it down only for the obligatory, teary, family-is-important scenes.

Heck, cramming for the SAT would give you less of a migraine than this college-bound take on Father of the Bride, which—after 85 minutes of testing your patience—flunks out as entertainment.

The 180—a Second Opinion:  You gotta appreciate the totally random appearance of Donny Osmond as a rabidly perky dad who sings show tunes with his equally peppy daughter (Molly Ephraim).