Yolanda Hadid once found the pain from her chronic Lyme disease so unbearable that she contemplated taking her own life.
The 53-year-old former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star made the shocking confession in her new memoir Believe Me: My Battle with the Invisible Disability of Lyme Disease, which is set for release on Sept. 12.
According to People, she recalls in the book a Florida vacation she took with then-husband David Foster two years after she was diagnosed with the disease.
"I take off my clothes and slip into the dark blue ocean, which is cool and comforting," she wrote. "The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me. Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water's ebb and flow...God please just take me away in a wave. I can't live like this one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear."
"My next thought is a clear image of my three children," she wrote. "It shifts my consciousness immediately and that's the only thing that keeps me from letting myself drift and drown."
Yolanda was diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease in 2011. She has spoken openly about her battle with it and has been treated at hospitals and clinics several times, including abroad. Symptoms of the disease can include fatigue, muscle pains, sleep disturbances and cognitive difficulties.
Lyme disease is usually caused by tick bites and is typically treated with antibiotics. Not all cases progress into chronic conditions.