Columbia Pictures/Focus FeaturesReview in a Hurry: Anne (Natalie Portman) and Mary (Scarlett Johansson) Boleyn are hot sisters vying for the love of King Henry (Eric Bana) in this movie based on Philippa Gregory's novel. As is so often the case, their love triangle leads to heartbreak and a split with the Catholic Church. Stunningly dull for a movie about sex and betrayal, the beautiful costumes and scenery only make it a high-budget seventh-grade book report.
The Bigger Picture: The Boleyns are a minor family with major ambitions in 16th century England. Mary, the younger sister, is married off to a wealthy merchant's son, while Anne, the oldest, is dangled as bait in front of King Henry VIII, whose queen has been unable to provide him with a son.
However, Anne is too uppity for the king, an old-fashioned guy into long walks in the country and beheadings. He takes a shine to the more demure Mary, and transplants the whole family to his court so he can seduce her. Anne is furious, and schemes to get Henry back. While Mary is knocked up, Anne uses the king's inability to keep Henry IX in his pants to become queen herself.
Got all that? Well, it doesn't really matter. The movie will recount every plot point several times, with exposition delivered like bricks through a window. (Portman, at one point, actually says, "I've become the other Boleyn girl.") What's more baffling is that several key moments—like Anne's disastrous first "date" with Henry—take place offscreen. Other characters just wander away, never to be seen again.
The talented cast is largely wasted. Bana does a lot of striding angrily from one room to another, while Johansson spends most of the movie in bed (and not in a fun way). Portman is the only one who manages to inject a little life into her character, but the movie can't decide whether Anne is a villain or a victim. So, she ends up as both—and neither.
The 180—a Second Opinion: The gorgeous cast is framed by lush cinematography and incredibly detailed set decoration, while wrapped in beautiful costumes. So, at least you'll have something nice to look at for two hours.