Untraceable

"The more you watch, the faster he dies!" shrieks the website killwithme.com. FBI agent Jennifer Marsh (Diane Lane) races to stop the psycho webmaster from live-streaming more screaming victims, but this silly cyber-thriller dies a quick death, whether or not you log on.

By Matt Stevens Jan 26, 2008 1:18 AMTags
UntraceableLakeshore Entertainment

Review in a Hurry:  "The more you watch, the faster he dies!" shrieks the website killwithme.com. FBI agent Jennifer Marsh (Diane Lane) races to stop the psycho webmaster from live-streaming more screaming victims, but this silly cyber-thriller dies a quick death, whether or not you log on.

The Bigger Picture:  Perhaps because Lane was "unfaithful" a few years back in Unfaithful, she's now being terrorized by a homicidal maniac. But what did the rest of us do to deserve this teched-up, dumbed-down Silence of the Lambs wannabe? Oh, right—we're the YouTube and Saw generation, addicted to voyeurism and "torture porn." So, now we're paying the price with pseudomoralistic Untraceable—though we suggest you not pay full price (see also: rental).

Lane slips into Clarice Starling mode as Special Agent Marsh, investigating Internet criminals along with geeky partner Griffin Dowd (Colin Hanks—yes, Tom's son). This seasoned vet, a Portland widow living with her daughter and mom (Mary Beth Hurt), thinks she's seen it all—but she's never seen killwithme.com, launched by twisted computer wiz Owen Reilly (Joseph Cross).

We know Owen's a bad kid 'cause he kills a fluffy kitten! Our boring villain soon moves on to human victims. First he tases 'em, then broadcasts their torture and demise on his untraceable website. The more hits he gets, the quicker they eat it. Naturally, click-happy Americans tune in by the droves, so we're all accomplices to murder, see?

Then it gets personal. Owen hacks into Marsh's computer, threatens her and her fam, and snares Griffin in a grisly trap. And so, the cat-and-mouse-click chase is on.

Always fierce, Lane—with her techie talk and stoic beauty—makes Untraceable watchable. Unfortunately, the insipid script fails to give her character much complexity, explore her vulnerabilities or develop any relationships. It's too busy downloading B-movie clichés (spooky basements, stormy nights, etc.) and lunk-headed dialogue ("When did the world go so f--king insane?" and "It's a jungle in there.")

The pic masquerades as social commentary, condemning our bloodlust, but Untraceable unmasked is just another actioner making a buck off the bloodletting.

The 180—a Second Opinion:  Apparently, some moviemaking handbook stipulates that a cat must meow or purr loudly whenever it's onscreen. Since Untraceable is littered with such instances, wouldn't it make a great drinking game? Take a swig each time the chatty kitty pussyfoots into a scene, and soon you'll be feline fine.