When DWTS does Disney, they really do Disney.
Tonight was like when you take a trip to Disneyland, but it's too hot so you just go from air conditioned show to air conditioned show, basking in lights and sparkles and Disney songs and inoffensive princess dancing. In other words, lovely. Add a turkey leg and a Dole Whip and we'll never be happier.
Unfortunately, that happiness could not last forever. Our precious Erika Jayne was eliminated tonight after last week's Madonna number failed to impress, even though this week's routine was great. The RHOBH star was in the bottom two with Bachelor star Nick Viall, and was ultimately sent home, but we'll never forget her.
Now, let's talk about tonight's truly incredible (for the most part) dances...
Rashad Jennings and Emma Slater: 32/40
The judges' scores were all over the place, and we kind of get it. Rashad just didn't seem into it, and after last week's emotional contemporary routine, his Beauty and the Beast routine wasn't as compelling.
Nick Viall and Peta Murgatroyd: 34/40
Pinocchio is our least favorite Disney movie so we hated this. Our hatred has nothing to do with Nick, and in fact he did a pretty good job, but seriously why does anyone like that movie?
Erika Jayne and Gleb Savchenko: 32/40
We didn't dislike her Madonna routine last week as much as the judges apparently did, but Erika really did look much happier and much more at ease during her Finding Dory routine.
Heather Morris and Alan Bersten/Maks Chmerkovskiy: 34/40
We feel bad for Heather that we're just irritated when she's really good, which she was tonight. It was a perfect Frozen Broadway routine. However, Carrie Anne was kind of right in that we wouldn't have been able to tell that was jazz if we didn't know it was supposed to be. Though we also might not know what jazz is. It's fine.
(Good news: Maks is back next week!)
Bonner Bolton and Sharna Burgess: 30/40
Fun, but we were paying way more attention to Sharna than to Wreck-It Ralph himself, Bonner Bolton.
Normani Kordei and Val Chmerkovskiy: 39/40
Literally all DWTS had to do to make up for subjecting us to Pinocchio was give us a paso doble to Mulan's "I'll Make a Man Out of You," sung live by (actual voice of Shang) Donny Osmond. It also helped that it was damn good.
Len, we will never understand you and your quest to ruin deserving perfect scores with your nines.
David Ross with Lindsay Arnold: 29/40
We're not the target demo for Cars 3, but that was fun. It definitely was more fun than three sevens! Not sure what's going on with the scores this season, but they're weird.
Nancy Kerrigan and Artem Chigvintsev: 36/40
This was the most Nancy Kerrigan of all the Nancy Kerrigan dances, and it was perfect, if you ask us. We just really want to see her do something funkier next week!
Simone Biles and Sasha Farber: 38/40
OK, Auli'i Cravalho is a sunbeam contained in a person, so employing her to sing live while you dance feels a little bit like cheating, but that doesn't matter when the dancing (and the dancer) is also made of sunbeams. Simone's finally doing what we imagined she could do on this show, and it's so satisfying.
Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.