Chrissy Metz is the first to admit she's an emotional eater.
"I eat my feelings—when I'm happy, when I'm sad," the actress tells MarieClaire.com. "When you do put the food down and those feelings come up, you're not being numbed anymore. You're like, 'I got to deal with this.' That is hard." For example, "If I'm upset or I have to confront somebody, I'm like, 'This feels really icky. Let me have a burrito.'" But Metz hopes to break that cycle. "I believe that if we haven't learned our lessons, they will continue to come and circle back around," the 36-year-old This Is Us star says. "Obviously I haven't figured it out with food."
Many viewers identify with her character Kate Pearson's struggle to get healthier—Metz included. "I do want to lose weight," she says. "But not because anyone is telling me to do it."
Roman Koval for MarieClaire.com
"I don't worry about numbers," she adds. "It just messes with my mind."
Contrary to misconstrued quotes from prior interviews, losing weight isn't a job requirement as This Is Us grows in popularity. "Nothing is mandated. It's not like, 'If you sign this contract you have to do this,'" Metz says. "We haven't even talked about an actual number with Kate. Ever."
Instead, Metz's goal is simply "to be proportioned. I carry a lot of my weight in my stomach. I just want to have...not even a number, but to have my body in a different shape."
Metz, who first tried Weight Watchers at age 11, simply doesn't know how. "I can't tell you how many times I've tried..." she says. After past diet and exercise attempts failed, she's willing to do whatever it takes: "I would love to go on The Biggest Loser, where it's a concentrated thing."
On the flip side, Metz is grateful to represent women who aren't a sample size. "Size doesn't equate to beauty. I don't understand why that's a thing. Well, I do, because the media has told us thin is beautiful. But is it? Because I think people are miserable not eating and smoking cigarettes," she says. "I've had roommates who were thin girls and constantly working out and trying to stay under a certain size. Even the average girl looks 10 pounds heavier on the screen."
Hollywood still has a long way to go regarding body diversity—particularly when it comes to fashion. Thankfully, Metz's stylist has relationship with multiple plus-size brands. "Society Plus, Torrid, Eloquii want to design stuff for me. I'm so grateful for the designers who are excited—I remember growing up and having no options at all—but other designers haven't really reached out. I don't know why they think that their clothes lose integrity by being cut bigger. But it's their art," she tells the website. "It would be nice if Valentino was like, 'Hey girl, want a dress?'"