Has there ever been a tale of more woe than that of SUR restaurant and its DJing aficionado?
Lisa Vanderpump FINALLY fired James Kennedy (officially striking the DJ from his name) in the Nov. 28 episode of Vanderpump Rules, which is probably why West Hollywood citizens felt the ground shake from the rest of the cast's collective cheering on Monday night.
After more than a few episodes of misbehaving (think getting into fights at work, drinking on the job, general obnoxiousness, etc.), Lisa finally put her pink Christian Louboutin heel down at the end of the episode, when she saw the troubled DJ take a shot at the bar...just after having a serious discussion with him about his behavior.
"I will always support James, but I refuse to enable him," LVP said of her decision to fire James.
We knew things were really serious when LVP's husband Ken Todd got involved in a conversation between Lisa and James just outside of the restaurant at the end of a shift, with a drunk and crying James saying Ken "scares the s--t out of" him.
"I told you not to come here when you're drunk. You're drunk now. The way you're speaking to Lisa? I'm giving you one warning, if you ruin my business..." Ken says, before finally going off. "You little f—ker! I'll knock you spark out."
It was glorious. But also pretty sad, especially when you realize James most likely has a drinking problem, which Lisa expresses to him when she officially fires him the next day.
Once he's told he's been fired and is not allowed to visit SUR or PUMP (Prayers for Villa Blanca!), Lisa tells James, "You should never have another drink again in your life. That's who you are." As for James, he just says, "It's so hard though. It really is. I don't know how to control it."
Sure, it sounds sad, but then it's followed by the 24-year-old refusing to accept any real responsibility for his own actions, choosing to blame Jax Taylor and GG, the SUR hostess who said she hooked up with James while he was dating his girlfriend.
"One on hand, Jax is a wanker and GG is a f—king whore, but on the other hand, I let them get the best of my emotions," he says. "Am I at fault? Yeah. But they're at fault for being f—king assholes, as well."
Charming!
According to James, who refers to himself as the "White Kanye West," everyone is out to get him because he's so successful and they're all jealous, which led to this gem actually coming out of his mouth while speaking to Lisa.
"They're thirsty, thirsty little girls that need to drink. And I can't provide water for them."
In honor of this gem, we've rounded up all of James' choice quotes from season five thus far (only four episodes in, mind you), which we highly recommend you bookmark for a rainy, depressing day...
"You ruined my Yeezy's, nearly!"
"In my defense, people see me winning right now and they don't like it."
"I'm in a position where everybody wishes they were in. Something's gotta give, you gotta be a little bit pissed about it, especially when the newcomer comes in, becomes the main DJ and has a Top 100 track on iTunes. If I was them, I would come after me. So come at me."
"Sorry that I can insult you way better than you can insult me."
"I don't mean to boast, but come on, I'm winning over here."
"It's f—king jealousy. End of story. I'm the one on stage. I don't care if it's Dog Day or the club, I'm the one up, not them."
"I don't want to sound cocky, but I'm young, I'm good looking, I'm a DJ in Los Angeles. I'm f--king killing the game." (Five points to the editors for immediately following this bite with this one: "Will the owner of a Toyota please head to the DJ booth. I found your keys. It's got Mickey Mouse key on it. Toyota, owner of a Toyota, I've got your keys." And then airing this one later on: "Don't forget, doggie yoga starts at 2 o'clock. Relax with some yoga, bring your pups, chill." And finally: "Just a reminder, pick up your poop." How lucky are we to be alive right now?)
"If I called you fat and I didn't really think it then why would I call you fat? Totally won't say it again to your face, but do I still think it? Obviously, I said it."
"I gave you the princess glass because my other one broke."
"Racquel's a beauty pageant girl and she works with special needs kids as well as opposed to Kristen who basically is a special needs kid."
"Do you love my swag tonight?"
"I wouldn't f—k GG with a ten foot pole. I mean, I'm here driving around an Aston Martin, you think I'm going to hop in this Honda Civic for a quick joyride?"
"Come at me, any desperado b—ch that wants to become someone."
"They're thirsty, thirsty little girls that need to drink. And I can't provide water for them."
"Because I'm a rock star and you're a bartender?" – James says to Jax, while DJing on his laptop at SUR.
Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)