Armie Hammer was unfiltered on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Thursday.
The actor, who stars in the drama Birth of a Nation, began by telling the story of how he celebrated his 30th birthday in August while he was shooting a movie on location in Australia. "We didn't do a big thing. My wife was down there and we had our daughter down there and she was like, 'Let's just go to dinner and have a little date night, just the two of us.' I was like, 'This sounds really great. We'll get a babysitter. Oh, I'd love a date night! This sounds great,'" he said. "We go out to dinner and we go out to this restaurant that we love—a little Indian restaurant down there—and they start taking us to the back of the restaurant. I'm like, 'What's going on?' We come around the corner, and it's everybody. It's everybody from the cast, everybody from the crew. She threw a huge surprise birthday party for me. It was fantastic!"
But in the moment, did the party disappoint Armie in any way? "I thought I was going to get laid," he joked. "'Now I'm with a bunch of strangers. What the hell? What is going on here?""
"It was good fun," Armie added. "Maybe too much fun. I don't know."
"We were at the restaurant for as long as they would let us, until they were literally like, 'Get out of the restaurant!' So we left and we went to a bar, and then we went to another bar, then we went to another bar. We made the mistake of walking up to the bar, and the bartender said, 'What can I get you to drink?' and we said, 'We'll take 30 shots, please.' There was a group of us—like maybe 15 people. Two shots a person—it's not too crazy. We go, 'We'll have 30 shots.' They go, 'Great. You're kicked out of the bar.' Literally, just like that!" the actor recalled. "We were like, 'Forget you guys.' We leave and we go to the next bar and they say, 'What'll you have to drink?' And we say, 'Well, those guys sucked. We'll have 40 shots!' Sure enough, they kicked us out of the bar, too...That's the thing: We felt really sober. We were like, 'We're fine! What are you talking about? What do you mean you're not going to give us a drink? We're fine!'"
Armie and co. didn't want the night to end, though.
"We ended up convincing the director of the movie that we should all just go back to his house, and somehow he ended up going along with the idea," Armie said. After arriving in the wee hours of the morning, "We're going up to his apartment and some people wait outside, and drunk Armie is like, 'No! We all stay together!' So I grab everybody and pull them into the elevator. Everybody's like sardines in that thing. The elevator starts moving and I think, 'Wouldn't it be really funny if I started jumping and freaked everybody out?' And I'm not a small dude. My wife is pregnant and sober, surrounded by all drunk people at 4 in the morning, stuck in an elevator. And I just see the look on her face. She says, 'I'm going to murder you,'" he told Jimmy Kimmel. "I was like, 'You know what? I got this. Don't even worry about it.' I pry open the door. I' m pulling on the wires. Looking back, it's the dumbest thing in the world. But I pull on one wire and I hear 'click!' and I go, 'That's it!' And the doors opened and we step out of the elevator and I was the hero—but no one appreciated the fact that I got us out of that elevator!"
Armie won't have a chance to party once Baby No. 2 arrives "next year."
Jimmy asked Armie if he knows the sex yet. "I do know," he said. "You can find out now at nine weeks, which is really bizarre. They do a blood test. They test if there are hormones in there. They go, 'Oh, you've got testosterone—so you've either got balls or you're having a baby boy.'"
"They check to make sure it's not balls, correct?" Jimmy joked.
"I checked in the process of making the baby," Armie quipped.
Armie and Elizabeth Chambers Hammer's daughter, Harper Hammer, "loves" the idea of being a big sister. "I mean, she seems to love it now. If you go, 'Where's the baby?', she'll rub mama's belly and kiss her stomach. It's really cute," Armie said. However, he said, Harper may not stay that sweet. "I think when the new baby comes out it's going to be a serious adjustment period."
Since becoming a father in late 2014, parenthood has been, by and large, a breeze. "I don't know if our daughter's easy or if we've just been winging it the right way, but we haven't had too much of a plan and it's all kind of gone all right," the Lone Ranger actor admitted. "So, we're just kind of going with it. I guess the only reason we're all here is because raising babies works. I think people—especially new parents, at least I did—sort of underestimate the resilience of human survivalism. Like, this thing is going to survive. That's the only reason it's here."
With a last name like Hammer, Armie has tons of baby names to choose form. "We're thinking Jack," he joked, telling Jimmy he could also call it "Michael Charles, and he can just go by M.C."
"Are you really thinking about that?" Jimmy asked.
"I think I just gave away our baby name?" Armie said. "I'm in so much trouble!"
"It could be a girl named Michael," Jimmy suggested. "There are occasionally girls named Michael—not Michael Charles—but it could definitely be a Michael." But, upon further reflection, the late-night host broke the bad news to Armie: "Wow, you are in a lot of trouble."
Armie knew he would be in the doghouse after the show. "I'm going to get several phone calls from several people about this," he said. "I'm glad this is the only talk show with an open bar."