Oh, Real Housewives reunions. How amazing you can be. And how boring you can be. This episode, the first part of The Real Housewives of New York City season eight reunion, was a mixed bag, leaning more toward the amazing side of things. There were drug references, surprise phone calls, and even a tiny package devoted to Rey, Luann de Lesseps' ex-boyfriend who magically appeared at Dorinda Medley's dry cleaning party. But there's one thing for sure: Bethenny Frankel is not messing around.
Let's break it down.
JOHN MAHDESSIAN
Dorinda and her boyfriend John got rolled into one for a segment, which is understandable considering how much drama he generated at the start of the season. Dorinda admitted after the bra party that she was planning her exit from the show and that John was horrified after seeing his actions there. Obviously she did not leave the show. "I came out a stronger person," she said.
And then the drug talk started. Andy Cohen asked Bethenny if she was referring to cocaine when she asked John if they wanted to do lines and talk about the Skinny Cow vs. Skinnygirl stuff. She said she was, but then wanted to bypass the conversation. Andy said she brought it up on camera, so…
"I'm not here to ruin people's lives, I'm not here to f—k people," Bethenny said. And then Luann hopped in.
"What do you mean you're not here to ruin lives? You get into it with Jules [Wainstein], you get into with Dorinda, you get into Sonja [Morgan] and make her cry…You're always into it," Luann said.
Anyway, Dorinda said that whatever Bethenny was going to say she did, she actually didn't. "Why are you insinuating that I do drugs?" she asked the Skinnygirl maven.
"Everybody knows you do drugs," Sonja exclaimed.
But then the ladies started yelling over each other and Luann instructed everybody to drop it because they "decided" they weren't going there.
This was wild. Have you ever seen something like this at a reunion?
REY
Even Rey, Luann's ex-boyfriend with whom she said she only went on three dates—one of them to Ibiza, apparently—got a segment. Oh, Rey. What a treasure. What a gift.
"People were obsessed with him," Bethenny said. "He should be a Housewife." She later followed up with, "Can we send him a fruit basket?" The entire RHONY audience would probably chip in for that.
"You know what? Rey is a good guy, he was just really in distress," Luann said. Distress? Hmmm. Sonja came to his defense with a story as well. "To Rey's defense, I saw him at a black tie recently with a beautiful woman…and he had full decorum."
If only Andy brought out Rey right there on the spot…
THE BERKSHIRES
One of the highlights of this season—and boy were there many—was the Christmas trip to Dorinda's Berkshires house. The 24 hours there were filled with Bethenny screaming at Luann, Luann texting apologies, Dorinda screaming at everyone and Len, Dorinda's housekeeper, saw it all.
The replay of Bethenny's rant set off an epic screaming match between Bethenny and Luann over who was a hypocrite and who was dating a married man. Yes, the Turks and Caicos guy was referenced by Carole Radziwill (or Radziville if you're Luann).
Was Bethenny slut-shaming Luann? B's not sure. "If it is," Bethenny said, "call me guilty." She just wanted to point out all of Luann's actions that she perceived as hypocritical. Luann countered with Bethenny, who was still technically married since her divorce was not finalized, and that her current beau was still married when they took up together. To counter this, Bethenny called her man's daughter who was quick to shut Luann down. It was almost like she was reading a prepared statement. Did Bethenny warn her of this since it's something so low-hanging the ladies would obviously try and latch on to?
The episode ended with Bethenny calling Luann Lie-ann and Luann still unable to spell Bethenny's name.
The Real Housewives of New York City reunion continues Wednesday, 9 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)