Halsey Reveals She Suffered a Miscarriage Last Year: I Didn't ''Feel Like a F--king Human Being Anymore''

Singer opens up about the difficult moment

By Kendall Fisher Jul 28, 2016 9:05 PMTags
HalseyDouglas Mason/WireImage

From the outside looking in, Halsey appears to be this total kick-ass, nothing-can-mess-with-me type of rockstar, and she is. But in her latest interview with Rolling Stone, she shows a different, more vulnerable side.

The singer revealed she had a miscarriage while on tour last year.

Opening up to writer Alex Morris—who wrote an article for RS in April about her own miscarriage—Halsey admitted, "I felt like I was suffocating reading that article. Like someone put a shopping bag over my head. I didn't want to meet you at all. I was really terrified of you, because I knew as soon as I saw you, I was going to need to tell you that last year on tour I got pregnant."

She explained how she was in a hotel room in Chicago before her album Badlands was released, and she was questioning everything: "What happens? Do I lose my record deal? Do I lose everything? Or do I keep [the pregnancy]? What are the fans going to think? What are the moms going to think? What is the Midwest going to think? What's fucking everyone going to think?" 

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Shortly thereafter, she described how she woke up in a hotel room, screaming and bleeding from the waist down...hours before she was supposed to perform.

"I'm like, 'I have to cancel this show!'" She recalled of the moment, "And everyone's kind of like, 'Well, it's Vevo LIFT, and it's 3 million impressions, so ...' No one knew what to do."

She ended up putting on an adult diaper, taking two painkillers and going out on stage.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

"It's the angriest performance that I've ever done in my life," she admitted. "That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, 'I don't feel like a f--king human being anymore.'"

She explained, "This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I'm doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong. I walked offstage and went into the parking lot and just started throwing up."

She said she still beats herself up over it because she felt like it happened due to her working too much and too hard. She still can't believe she went and performed that night.

"I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star," she said. "More than I want to be anything in the world."

Read her full story on Rolling Stone.

Watch: Halsey: It was "Nerve-Wracking" Working With Justin Bieber
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