An Ode to Mariah Carey's Yacht Life, the Most Baller Thing Known to Man

Show us the way, Mariah.

By Seija Rankin Jul 07, 2016 6:28 PMTags
Mariah CareyINFphoto.com

Mariah Carey, let us bow down to thee, for we are not worthy.

We are not worthy of your artistry. We are not worthy of your high notes. We are not worthy of your use of glitter. And mostly, we are not worthy of your ability to live like a God damn Queen.

This is, of course, not a new revelation. Ever since Mariah Carey has been Mariah Carey she's been doing everything on a grander scale than the rest of us could even fathom. She exudes more glamour when she brushes her teeth than most people will in an entire lifetime. But today, we find ourselves in awe anew, thanks to the singer's current yacht trip through Capri. This vacation is a thing of beauty and it deserves to be honored as such.

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First, let's observe Mariah above, as she is caught in her natural habitat aboard the boat. While the average person on a yacht trip might wear, say, a swimsuit or a pair of boat shoes, Mariah glides down the deck in full ballroom regalia. Nothing less than a stunning red gown will do for her, no matter if she's on the high seas or a black tie event. Board a boat with a train or go home, says she.

And then we have this magnificent video of Carey and her main man James Packer, presumably during an onshore excursion to a fancy Capri restaurant. Watch as Lady Mariah receives all of her adoring onlookers, taking the opportunity not to enjoy the festivities and marvel at the amazing sparklers on the table, but to perform all of her many stunning poses. What kind of plebeian blows out candles with a smile on their face? Clearly the only choice here is to Vogue. 

And lastly, we come to the most inspiring moment in the yacht trip thus far. While Mariah and her guests lounge on the boat, presumably sipping on the finest champagne and nibbling on the finest strawberries, there permeates throughout the yacht a most exquisite soundtrack. A soundtrack of...Mariah Carey.

Yes, that's right, Mariah Carey listens to her own music while sailing through the Gulf of Naples. Specifically, she listens to the remix of "Honey" by Mariah Carey. We know this because some genius, pioneering Paparazzo managed to score a shot of the screen that controls the music on the boat, in which we can plainly see the words "Honey (So So Def Remix Featuring Da Brat & Jermaine Dupri)" along with a photo of Miss Carey herself. 

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There are literally no words to describe the majesty of this moment. It is truly awe-inspiring and we are left speechless. Not surprised, of course, because we would also choose to listen to Mariah Carey if we were onboard a luxury yacht, but speechless nonetheless. 

God bless you, Mariah.

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